Posts Tagged ransomville
Uneasy Territory
Today I woke up energized and excited. I checked emails and got a few things done as quickly as I could before driving to my old house in Ransomville, NY. The window people had come recently so all the windows in our 100 year old house are now new. It was odd driving up to it and pulling in the driveway. I do miss my house in a lot of ways. I miss the familiar little town, and I miss the smell inside. It’s a mix of wood and maple. It just has that old house smell but it’s not musty. It’s just a pleasant thing that I always liked but never missed until I left longterm. I needed to grab milk from my mom (we get milk delivered in glass still…yea I know…crazy!) and some jackets I had left there, and a few other things. I got to see my dog as well! 
He’s getting grey on the front of his nose. It seems like we just got him a little while ago and here he is getting grey already!
I’m not sure why but my joy began to fade during the day. When I got back to my apartment I wasn’t home long since I needed to go get a new Bible down the street. I had left mine under my chair when I was waiting to walk up to the stage at the SAICFF Academy this year. I like the ESV translation. I’m not a KJV only guy, but I really only find the ESV, KJV, and the NASB to be something I would use on a regular basis. The NIV is OK but has it’s issues and the NLT, The Message, etc. are just ridiculous. I can’t stand those “translations” at all.
There’s been a bit of depression under-riding life since I got home. I know it’s only been a few days, but I just don’t feel like I fit in right now. I think SAICFF this year and the Academy, the fellowship, etc. all really opened the flood gates for me on a lot of issues. Many of them are things I’ve pondered for many years but not until now have they become so incredibly heavy on me. I’ve always wanted to homeschool my children, but the passion for it hasn’t ever been this strong. I’ve wanted to be a Godly man and a husband/father but never has it struck me in my daily thoughts as it has lately. I suppose a lot of the depression comes from the fact that not many around here seem to affirm that kind of living. Not the Godliness, there’s support for that but more just the way I think my household will run. There isn’t a lot of discipleship around here in that regard. Me and Denise have spoken many times about just how weird we’re likely going to look to everyone else around us, particularly the majority of Christian folks. I’m not trying to imply anything with that so don’t misunderstand me, but it likely our home will be very different in its approach to parenting, instruction, schooling, and the church and what role the church has in that and me and my wife’s interaction and participation within.
It’s very daunting, and coming back to NY I feel like an alien. It’s not a fun way to feel I can tell you. I really need to seek the Lord on some of these issues. They won’t become a real issue tomorrow, but I do need to seek some clear direction from God on it. My desire to be a Godly father and husband has to be my top priority. Because so many read this blog, I won’t for now speak of all that God has taught me and convicted me of recently. It’s likely to cause some backlash and I’ve already gotten some for a lot of what I post here. I’m not refusing to post it out of fear, but right now I just don’t feel equipped to handle it.
I want a peer group and a church that can disciple me in the things I find the most important, and for that to be possible I need a leadership and a community around me and my future wife that has an understanding and passion for those things. If I don’t have that, then I leave the future of my children in the hands of chance and folly. Knowing what I do, can I really keep things as they are? It’s not an easy question, and as I said not something to be answered right now. I know the answer is yes, but what to do about that yes, and when and how is to be determined and will require much prayer.
Denise and I have spoken of a few things she might be able to do after we get married as well that would allow her to work in the home. There are a few things that can be done so she can make the exact amount she currently does to keep our projected incomes the same but the ultimate goal is for me to be able to handle all of it. I want a one income household, and that will take some work but I have been for years seeking that out and pushing towards that goal. We’ll see where we end up.
I hope I’m not fooling myself here. I hope that what I’m feeling is legitimate. I feel like it is, but if I had complete confidence that was the case, I wouldn’t feel depressed. If any of you that read this could pray for clarity I would appreciate it. In the coming years this blog is probably going to change quite a bit and you’re going to see monumental changes in the content I think. I have much ahead of me and I don’t take the responsibility lightly.
Thanks for the support.
On The Shelf?
Sales Update
STANDING FIRM is slowly making its way into Bookstores around the US. I’ve called many to find out if they’ve even heard of the film. Most tell me no, which is no surprise. Little films like this aren’t known by everyone. I went to a local Christian Bookstore today I hadn’t heard about in my area…about 40 minutes away. It’s not apart of any big chain. The film wasn’t on the shelf so I asked the lady at the desk if anyone had asked for the film. She said many have come in looking for it but they’d never heard of it. Their manager ordered copies the day it came out since so many had come in looking but they were told that there wasn’t any in stock for THEM to order. It seems that every single place that ordered the film didn’t order enough, even those intending to give it to other retailers. That was a little discouraging but in a way encouraging. Anyone who doesn’t have it that’s being asked for it will definitely buy some. So no matter how well the sales are doing, they’ve been kept alive by that simple fact. The lady at this store looked at me funny when I said the film I was asking about was mine, and we all got talking (there were others there that sorta showed up) about the film, they asked their questions, and I gave the people at the counter a free copy of it so they could see it. They’ve already ordered some, but I figured it would just be a good gesture since they’re local and I’ll likely need their support in the future. They were happy to accept it. I blushed a little when the lady said “I’ve never met someone who made a movie before.” It’s still very weird for me, and I don’t think that’ll stop.
Amazon.com keeps running out, and every time they order a box, they’re almost sold by the time they finally list the film as “In Stock.” Though, frustratingly they wait too long to order more and it’s listed “Out of Stock” for a week which either drops my sales, or they go somewhere else to find it. All of this stuff requires watch on a daily basis to keep going and to make sure I’m in the know of where my film is, isn’t, where it needs to be, etc. It’s not always fun, because it seems most of my time spent on Facebook is linking people where to buy it since they can’t seem to find it (um…Google?), or they queued it on Netflix and it’s telling them “Short” or “Long” waits…which they aren’t happy about. Netflix didn’t order enough either it seems given how many are bugging me about it so hopefully they’ll order more. The initial order they made was double what was expected, so this is a good sign. All in all this film from the middle of nowhere is doing pretty well, and I hope this continues.
A New Marketing Push
I’ve begun dabbling into running Ads on Facebook. It costs money of course, but my efforts are going to go so far then become a bit stagnant on the STANDING FIRM fan page. I still have some ammunition, but I’m going to begin looking at the Ad system again after leaving it alone for a year. Of course, my concern in covering my expenses is there, but you don’t have to go crazy to do OK on there. Granted, new fans doesn’t mean squat if they don’t go and buy it somewhere, but I won’t know 100% for sure the actual affect it has. I’ll have to just be careful and weigh out my options and be smart. $5 or 10 or $15 a day is a lot to spend when you consider a 30 day month…so I’ll be treading slowly unless my Ads get good results and the profits cover things. We’ll see…
Moving Soon
I only have about 3 weeks left in my parents house, that’s a little unsettling. I’m very excited to get out of here, but I’ll be sad to leave for good. I’ve been here my entire life save a few years as a kid. I learned almost everything I know in the same room I’m typing this. I’m happy though to be getting my own place, getting my own furniture, and starting my own life as fully self-sufficient and ready to take life on longterm. It’s a bit of a risk, but what isn’t? I don’t currently make enough minimum to be completely OK for a really really long period of time, I do need to see growth in my income, but I’m trusting this will be the case. I can’t wait forever and if I waited to make every decision when things were 150% certain … STANDING FIRM wouldn’t exist.
Reviewing Films
I got a more balanced review of STANDING FIRM today which was nice to see. Let me be clear, I’m not going to bash my film. I think many can be far too nice to some movies, including me at times. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the good comments though It’s actually a little annoying however when some judge a film negatively based on other films that cost 10, 20, or even 30x more and involved waves of people in the process to complete, and so much more. I explain a lot of the films shortcomings in my commentaries on the DVD, and even go into why they’re there. I’m no fool, I see the mistakes in my own movie. I’m not happy about them, nor do I intend to make them again (I hope…knock on wood). If I do make them again, it won’t be because I did things the same way (in every aspect of the process) all over again expecting a different result. The cinematography is inconsistent for instance, and I would’ve liked to get more coverage. There are actually quite a few wides in the film, but some wish I backed up more. I’ll agree with that, but then explain we had 2 people on crew, limited lights and time, and actors who might not have the ability to recreate something in a close-up that they gave me in a wide. What’s that mean? MOVE IN. Move in and get what you need to make the scene work, because it’s 5pm and whoever lives in the house you’re shooting in will be home any moment, and the person who’s acting in the front of the camera has a bunch of kids who need to have their mom/dad come home so the babysitter can leave, and yada yada yada. Welcome to no-budget filmmaking. What? You were expecting something else? While I understand most folks will simply judge a film outright as they have zero knowledge of what it takes to make a film, or how to tell what a budget was (for the most part), I try and look at what they had to work with, and what kind of result they got with it. That’s why FLYWHEEL is my favorite if not one of my favorite Christian films. Somehow even with the problems the film has (which are many, especially technical), the film WORKS…and works well with the viewer. That’s a though thing to do, so if STANDING FIRM is my FLYWHEEL then I’m more than proud (in Christ of course, lol!)
Closing
I’ve gotten a lot of good response on my previous post regarding money and filmmaking. Thanks to all for supporting the article. I’ve gotten some kind words from other filmmakers who feel the same way and never had an outlet to share it. That’s sorta the point I think of even posting it. There are many things I need to get off my chest regarding this industry, Christians in general (including my own problems), and much more. Blogging is a good outlet, so if you have time I recommend it. It’s like a Journal, except it’s public and while you can spread some great things very quickly, you can get in trouble very quickly too
P.S. – A film I had the pleasure to help work on for a brief time has a new website and will be in theaters in Feb 2011. It’s called The Grace Card. When I was about to leave California last year I got a phone call from a guy named David Evans who was looking for some help in a film he was doing, this happened to be it. I gave him some names and whatever help I could. I did an older website for the film and some initial poster/graphics concepts, started the fan page and grew it to about 6000 or so as a base, did some location scouting and photos, was present for the first read-through (which was very exciting and went very well), helped find one of the lead actors and a crew member, and a few other oddball things. It was a pleasure, and I’m VERY excited to see this film when it comes out. It’s the first thing that I’ve had any connection with to play in a theater. WOO!
Growth and uh…Growth
I love it when it come up with awesome titles for my blogs…like that one? I do, so that’s all that matters. No seriously, you like? No!? That’s so mean! Get out of here…I don’t want you reading this. Just kidding, stay…if you have to. Just kidding
Anyways the past few days hasn’t had me posting much, my bad. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the other things I’ve posted lately besides blog posts. The radio interview (which went very well), the Glowing Nose Podcast’s recent episode, various news and blog posts from Courageous (Sherwood Pictures 4th film), etc. I’ll be using this blog to post all sorts of other things besides journal entries so if you show up and your looking for just the journal then click the link up top that just says “journal.” That will hide everything else. I hope you take the time to at least glance at the other stuff I post. I post it for you all!
I had quite a few things to do today and in the end didn’t get there. My sleeping habits have to change…they really do. I’m up too late and up too late. (catch that? 
) I needed to mail off some stuff today and never got there. Tomorrow will be the day. One of the packages is screener copies that will be going out to the different major store chains that will carry Standing Firm. That’s nerve-wracking to say the least since the film isn’t 100% done! Thankfully on Sunday night I got the final contracts in for that song license I needed. My sound-mixer Mark Stocker has been a God-send in helping me get this done. Thanks Mark! He ran through the contract with me and helped me know my next steps and such. This is all new territory for me. The cost of the song will come out of my pocket but I don’t have a choice in the matter. I’ve already spent thousands and thousands, what’s writing another check gonna hurt? (my bank account…that’s what!) Such is the life of the Christian filmmaker, so many bills, so little money/time/resources. Hopefully they’ll be a day this year where that will be different LOL. We will see…
By the way, I got my copy of The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry recently. I did the DVD Menu’s and opening graphics for that as well as the Behind the Scenes titles and graphics. It was cool to see my name in the credits of the Making Of That’s my second legit credit aside from helping color-time In The Blink of an Eye and doing VFX for it. Very cool for me…I know I’m a loser. Also if you watch the film you’ll spot me in the back with my friend Sam Torcasio. We were on set for a day and got to sit in for the diner scene. You only see the back of my head, but it’s awesome to know I’ve finally been put on celluloid. Good ol’ Super 16!
I have a lot to do in May :/ I feel like I’m just gonna be going crazy for the next 6 months. The next 4 especially are going to be intense. May means almost finishing the BTS and DVD Materials, and shooting my interview. June means finishing up the film completely and getting it sent off mid-June for endorsements, Dove approval, etc. July means getting the church screenings setup, the Praise Pictures store and how that’ll work and how I’ll ship from my house, the copies need to get made that’ll go to stores and securing the funds to get those made, and sending off Standing Firm for submission to the SAICFF this year (film fest in San Antonio) etc. August means release time and all the running around to get that prepared and then brace myself. I’ll (hopefully) be busy shipping things out constantly and setting up church screenings with folks. Then September I’ll continue to sell the film and October the film fest happens and that’ll be an experience in itself. Gonna be a crazy rest of the year…phew.
I really need to find that creative partner I can mesh with for life. It seems everybody I know has one. The Kendrick brothers, Staron brothers, Leclerc brothers, Erwin brothers, John Moore & David Heustis, Cloud Ten has it’s own team, Coram Deo has a good team, etc. So many creative teams of people who work well together and have a level of success attached. I’m just Kyle, in my room in Ransomville. I would love to make movies here in WNY, but I can’t always make them alone. While somebody could just say “then get your help!” it’s difficult to know where to find that help. Also you run the risk of having too many fingers in the pie, and never being able to benefit financially. I would love to have that one strong creative partner whom I connect with on a lot of levels…I would go to town with that person. I’ve yet to find somebody like myself who can do a lot of different things in this arena, do them well (not getting a fat head here just saying I think I can do a good job), has a drive to do whatever it takes to get things done, cares about the Lord especially, and is a trustworthy individual who isn’t going to hamstring me or something in the future. It’s tough to find good people. I’m happy to say I think I found some good relationships from Standing Firm I will be growing with future projects. My sound-mixer is great and knows much more than he might seem at first. He’s also trustworthy and is a man of integrity. My composer is a man I’ll use again no doubt. Wonderful attitude, gracious, high quality results without breaking the bank (and by that I mean tens of thousands or something), and just overall loves what he does and we connect well on what we both want to achieve. I loved working with my Gaffer Shaun Smith on the film too. We both understand each other. My eye with his Gaffing will equal many excellent looking films in the future I think. If he’s up for it that is, that’s up in the air! Who knows…
I just look forward to the next project already. I can’t wait to close this chapter of my life. It’s been a LONG chapter. One of those chapters in a book when your exhausted because it’s not over but loving it because the build up is so amazing. I can’t wait to finish…and just know that the film is done. Nothing can be fixed, nothing can be changed, the DVD is FINAL…with all BTS done and menus and covers and labels. I can just send it off and see what God does. That’ll be an amazing feeling, and I’ll sob like a little baby.
I have no idea what my next film is going to be really…I’m just doing what I can to make sure this one gets completed. Lots to do still…please pray that God gives me the strength to continue. I know I’ve been able to hang on this long but the enemy is really trying to trip me up in some critical areas of my life, I can’t trip now. What a tragedy that would be…the runner who falters just before his chest is about to break through the tape. Prayers appreciated…
