Life of Kyle Prohaska

Today was the first time in a number of years that I spoke in front of people.  I had been planned to speak at AMOC’s Niagara Bible Conference today.  (http://www.amoc-nbc.com/)  AMOC stands for the American Mission for Opening Churches.  I wasn’t sure what to expect to be honest.  They’re involved in many different things, but most notably they have a camp there.  I went to AMOC as a kid and have many good and bad memories there.  When I showed up last week to meet with Tom who runs things there, I found it weird seeing the place after so many years.  Now it’s funny that after all that time, to be back there, and speaking in the Chapel on a sunday night.  I wasn’t there to give a sermon really, but instead talk about STANDING FIRM, testify to some of the things that God did, and share with those there about the church screenings and how they can be utilized in their ministries.  The folks who show up to this are from lots of other churches locally.  Some pastors, some elders/deacons, and a handful of normal church folks.  I would say maybe 50-60 were there.

My hands were shaking, I was sweating terribly, and I was waiting for everything to start.  I was wearing a suit and such which is something I almost never wear, and just baked inside of it.  Having worn flip flops and shorts for the last year and only having a suit on a few times, my body wasn’t having much fun.  I kept running through what I was going to say in my head and didn’t have anything to start off my speaking with.  I didn’t know how to start things off in a non-awkward manner.  I was really nervous to say something foolish or dumb, or crack a joke that would fall flat, and I didn’t really know where anyone there fell theologically so where I touched in areas there I wasn’t sure about.  STANDING FIRM could be slightly controversial because of the truth it presents, and I wasn’t sure if any backlash could come of that.  So when I got up there I just went for it, and probably repeated myself a time or two but I think things went well.  I probably wasn’t the most cheerful speaker they’ve ever heard, but it had it’s light moments of laughter.  I was pretty serious up there speaking to everyone, and brought up some very uncomfortable issues in the church (specifically the American Church) and spoke a bit about the state of the church as well.  I had all that rolling around in my head and wasn’t sure if there would be a good spot to fit it in, but I think it worked.  I basically went towards making a few comments like that because the issue of suffering in the film is so different from some of the namby pamby fluffy hug a teddy bear type Christianity that’s rampant out there.  Death, suffering, financial woes, etc. none of it is fun to talk about.  But I think everyone understood where I was coming from, and hopefully it made sense in that the film tackles a lot of issues that is rarely preached or taught.

Afterwards I shook many hands and had copies for sale.  Out of the folks who were there, I got rid of a ton of copies, some buying 2 or even 4.  I had a sign up sheet for the church screenings so I could send the folks more information.  I hope I get a few signups from this, because that would be great.  I also talked to a Pastor directly who already knows when he would want to do a screening so we’re going to work on that.  It was great to see the positive reaction after it was over.  My hands were shaking anymore, and I was able to just breath and talk to folks.  Turns out one of the women there has her entire family in Brazil and they would probably be interested in doing a screening or two down there.  I’ve already had a church in Brazil interested in a screening, so this could mean more!  Pretty crazy the kinds of foreign folks who know about the film and have requested it.  Pray for distribution in the Portuguese market, because it’s sorta on hold at the moment.

So overall a great night, and I was glad to see it over with.  I’ve had barely any sleep lately and I need to catch up.  There’s only 16 days until STANDING FIRM comes out, incredible!  I think I’ve only caught a glimpse of what God is going to do with this film, and I can’t wait to see…

I got an email today that really encouraged me too.  David Evans (Writer/Director/Producer of THE GRACE CARD, recently picked up by Provident Films/Sony) dropped me an email to say he’s excited to see the film and can’t wait to share TGC when it’s done.  Last year while I was in LA he called me one day asking questions about filmmaking and who he might call and whether or not I knew anyone he could contact.  Through some emails and phone calls I was able to help him which was great.  I helped him get his AD (Justin Tolley from Fireproof/Courageous/Letters to God), and Michael Joiner (the lead in the film).  It was great being able to help and then for a time I went down to Memphis to help do a little location scouting and a few other things, then I went home before production actually started.  David’s email was very encouraging as I hadn’t heard from him for some time and I had actually just thought of how he was doing on my way to church this morning.  God is good

A very good day, and filled with Blessings.  Looking forward to a good night sleep and then a busy work week to follow.  Lots of things to do!  The posters for the church screenings should arrive today (it’s monday already) and then I’ll be all set to send the church screenings.  If I can get all the packages weighed and ready I can start shipping them much earlier than I originally thought, so WOOT!

Till next time…

Brian Roberts (Writer/Director of Veggies Tales)

Well…I’m finally getting around to posting again.  I got calls from people saying they were going through “withdrawls” without their Life of Kyle posts…haha.  That’s flattering and somehow creepy.  I’m glad all of you read this, makes me want to post more often and make things more juicy  Let me start from the beginning of the week.

Jun 30 - I work up early that morning, at about 6am or so.  I wanted to get on the road an hour early but I was up late packing my car.  My body was exhausted when I woke up.  I must’ve hit that pillow hard the previous night.  Anyways I got up and immediately got dressed, brushed my teeth, fixed my hair the best I could (wow was it a mess) and rolled up my blowup mattress to begin the long journey home.  Stop #1 was in Albuquerque to stay overnight with Eric Highland.  On the way there I was taking a more southern route so I hit the desert for a LONG time.  It was the most boring drive ever, but I made it.  At least there was some cool rock formations to look at.  The temperature was insane, hitting 108+ at one point.  I’ve never been in that kind of heat, thank goodness I was in a car.  I normally don’t use air conditioning but after an hour of that 100 degree heat I turned it on.  I kept thinking about Bugs Bunny talking about Albuquerque.  I have heard the name of that city for years and never looked up anything about it.  It was a pretty cool place, much bigger than I thought.  I stopped by at a coffee shop where Eric and Brittany (his assistant) were working.  Because of his 4 kids, he doesn’t get a thing done at home, so he works at the coffee shop using their free Wi-Fi.  I had to use the bathroom and had to wait a while.  On my way over a waitress backed up into me with her giant platter almost hitting me in the face.  I dodged it and she didn’t drop it, thank goodness.  I was already embarrassed to be there because of how terrible I looked.  I need a shower, a shave, etc. and looked like a yeti.  As I thought about it more, I decided not to stay the night.  I had far too much energy after eating at the coffee shop and I knew that TN was just far enough to cost me an extra nights stay so I pressed on.  I talked with Eric and Brittany for a little over an hour and went on my way figuring I would be able to go another 4 hours or so.  Well those 4 hours turned into like 7.5.  That put me in TX at a rest stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere at 4am.  That’s 20 hours or so of driving…insane I know.  Lets just say I didn’t have a problem falling asleep, regardless of how messed up my back was going to be in the morning.

Eric Wilson (NYT Bestseller & Writer of Fireproof (novelization))

July 1 - I got up at about 8am or so, only 4 hours after going to bed.  I got back on the road yet again, ready to make it to Sparta, TN by nightfall.  It was another boring drive and this time more than any other was I going a little batty.  I was bored, aggravated, tired, and I felt nasty (needed a shower, shave, etc.).  I passed Oklahoma City and Memphis and headed towards Nashville which I had to passthrough in order to reach Sparta.  They were cool looking cities.  I look forward to seeing Memphis a bit more if I end up there this fall (although driving all the way back down there doesn’t interest me…UGH!).  Nashville was very big, much bigger than I ever would’ve thought and of course I hit traffic.  For some idiotic reason they put the downtown highways into 1 lane and it took forever to get out of there.  That easily added an hour or more onto my drive time.  I think I had grounds to start losing my head since I had been driving for so long.  Other annoyed people were probably trying to drive a few miles and got stuck…shut up you bunch of sissies.  That last hour to Sparta was LONG…but I was glad to get there.  Torry lives in a little hick town (forgive the term but it’s the truth) who’s claim to fame is being the hometown of Lester Flat (the guy who wrote the Beverly Hill Billy’s theme).  His house was tucked away on this little back road and surrounded by greenery.  I have heard great things about Torry’s house so I was excited to see it.  When I got inside I saw why, there is stuff everywhere!  Not junk piled mind you, I mean all sorts of neat little nicknacks and odd pictures, statues, etc. that decorate the place.  I hadn’t seen anything yet.  I saw my room downstairs which was really nice with a huge bed and all this log cabin themed furniture.  What an amazing task to pull together all this stuff over the years.  I loved the bathroom I had to use although I think a simple hose and toilet would’ve been alright with me.  I was so ready for a shower you can’t even understand.  Yet again the house surprised me when I turned on the shower and found it to be like a fire hose.  The shower head was awesome and felt good after all that driving.  I talked with Torry and his friend Rob for a while and then went to sleep.  I slept so good I can’t even tell you.

July 2 - When I woke up I had a little bit of time to get ready.  We were going to Nashville to meet up with two men that Torry knew.  There was supposed to be more but they couldn’t make it.  On our way there we talked in the truck about all sorts of things.  Me and Torry are as he called it “kindred spirits” because we’re so similar.  I think on the way there we talked about him a lot more than we did myself, I just butted in every once in a while.  It was cool to learn a lot about his past, how he came to be a Christian, and al the awesome things that have happened to him since.  He really has an AMAZING story to tell about how he found his house.  Either way we made it to Nashville and found where we were going to eat…the Cracker Barrel.  I think I have only been to one of these once but can’t remember where/when.  If I haven’t mentioned this yet, Torry might surprise a few folks when they see him.  He describes himself as a big red-haired hippy from Alaska, and he isn’t selling himself short with that statement.  I can see why some people might give him a weird look when they see him as he is 6ft 5 or so and a bit heavy…but he doesn’t care and neither did I!  When people look at someone like that, I immediately notice something on them that I could turn a head to.  ”Hey!  Your Fat!” my response…”Hey! ….YOUR OLD!”  Either way people are mean nowadays, they need to shut their trap.  The lunch went amazing.  I got to meet Brian Roberts (Writer/Director of Veggie Tales for the last 10 years), and Eric Wilson (NYT Best Seller & Writer of Fireproof (novelization)).  They were great guys and we hit it off very easily.  We talked about Christian filmmaking (although we talked about the label put on “Christian” anything and how that might affect it), writing, the status of film in todays world and what kind of projects we want to work on.  We were all in agreement about a lot of key points.  I loved talking to these guys.  This is exactly what I craved in LA and didn’t even get it there.  Although I’m happy to be going home, I’m still creatively sheltered as I don’t have anyone around me who is really interested or can talk to me about my hobbies/interests.  It’s been that way for a while and this meeting was welcomed with open arms.  It was a bit odd for this 21 year old kid from nowhere talking to these two VERY successful men and having fun and chatting it up like I was on their level (which I am NOT…lol don’t think I’m saying that).  They were excellent contacts to make of course, but being able to sit and have lunch really makes it more than that.  It felt less business related and more just fun “lets meet and greet” related.  When we left Torry had to get some Amazon boxes from both guys for this shoot he had coming up at his home.

Me and Torry

We headed to Brian’s house to get the boxes and made sure we got a picture.  Is it just me or does a beard make my face look like an oval?  My chin is NOT that big, haha.  Anyways when we left we almost got lost but my iPhone saved us with it’s GPS.  Thank goodness because Torry started to freak out when we got lost.  He’s like me in that way but in this case he was going to be late for his audition which would really suck for him.  It was for a roll on Larry the Cable Guy’s Holiday Special.  When we got there he had to go in and I had to wait outside so I just sat waiting for Eric to show up with his boxes.  It turns out the best conversation I had was then with Eric.  I got to share much more in depth what kind of story I was trying to tell with Standing Firm and was getting confirmations from Eric that I was on the right track.  He seemed interested as a lot of our conversation revolved around changing the way we tell stories and getting away from the things that plague bad movies.  He seemed delighted to know that I had been determined to change as much as I could from the conventional film (in the Christian market especially).  Eric was an awesome guy I hope to work with in the future.  When you hit it off that well you know that working together would be a breeze.  On the way home the conversation between me and Torry shifted to me this time.  I told him my testimony, what I used to be like as a teenager and the more I spoke the wider his eyes got and the lower his jaw fell.  He just couldn’t believe this kid sitting next to him telling him all this stuff.  It was funny to me as I don’t look at it as anything special, haha.  I guess it’s good to know that I’m so different than I was in my past.  Even I know that but I’m not looking at me from the outside so who knows what people see.  He kept saying how floored he was I was 21 and how “intelligent” I was.  I take that kind of stuff with a grain of salt and if you know me, I NEVER take those kind of comments well.  One of my biggest weaknesses is excepting compliments.  I used to be a big egotistical butt-hole who wanted nothing more to be better than everyone, lol.  How am I supposed to respond?…”O yes I am intelligent, thanks so much…you ain’t seen nothing yet.”  I also told him just how moving to LA changed me.  I think some people back home might notice a slight difference in me when I show up on Sunday morning.  Regardless of what happened in LA, the money it cost to move, etc. I really went through a change out there.  Just the action to moving was a big step for me.  I told him no way a year ago (or even a few months ago) would I ever move a few thousands miles to a place I don’t know to work at a place I never visited to check out, or live in an apartment with someone I never met besides through email, etc.  I went way outside my comfort zone and learned a lot.  Just driving across the country was a stretch for me.  I told him driving from LA back home and stopping in TN to meet a guy I’ve never met face to face, let alone stay at his house said a lot about how different I was.  Mom and Dad, I know your reading this and can confirm that statement, it’s just not something I would’ve done in the past.  I’m a bit more outgoing and ready for something new, a lacking trait of mine.  The odd becomes normal and the comfort becomes less important, although I am happy to go home.  Either way I laughed at him and just kept going and eventually I told him the entire story of our film.  The more I told him the more he loved the story.  Just explaining it to him got him going I think as I pealed each layer of the story away I tried to put into the film.  My biggest fear was never that I didn’t have great moments in my film or things that work well, it was do they all work TOGETHER as one piece.  So many movies have great moments, but few have all those great moments hold together as a flowing river of story.  Either way as I explained it he understood all of it, and I even went out of order with the subplots jumping around and he still was effected by it.  That made me feel really good because when you look at one thing for so long, each moment you make becomes less and less exciting to you.  I really hope that the first viewing of this film for someone really gets them how it got me when we came up with it.  Now as I watch it very few things get me going because I’ve seen it hundreds of times over.  Torry assured me I didn’t have to worry but I do  We had to stop and get some food on our way so we could have dinner that night.  We continued to talk even as we shopped, haha.  As we got back to his house we unloaded everything and got inside.  Soon after I was able to show him a few parts of the film I had described earlier and since he had all the context in his head nice and fresh he was able to see the moments and how they fit in.  He really liked what he saw which got me excited.  I’m still not convinced that the film works, only when someone sees the whole thing from beginning to end will I know.  Even me seeing it I think won’t do the trick, because of the reasons I stated earlier.  That’s why studios do test screenings, to find out what works in the film and what doesn’t so they can know how better to either adjust things, or market the film.  Who laughed?  Who didn’t?  Who cried?  and….Who walked out?  lol.  Either way the rest of the day was just talking, eating, and relaxing.  I haven’t mentioned Torry’s office yet, one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.  It has been on TV before because it’s so detailed.  Torry loves Batman, Superman, and has a few Spiderman items.  This office is really amazing, full of figures, comics, all sorts of cool little items you’ve never seen before.  There’s even a 6ft Spiderman statue that he got as a gift!

But wait…who the heck is TORRY MARTIN? - Torry is an award winning Writer and Actor, talented Comedian who has shared the stage with many well known actors/comedians from MadTV and SNL.  He has won many times at the GMA awards for writing comedy and drama, and shared the stage with musicians like Michael W. Smith (among many others), currently has his own character on Adventures in Odyssey (and writes for the show), has recently done voices for Veggie Tales, and so much more.  Here is a list of some of Torry’s accomplishments:

Books Torry Has Contributed To
Living it Down by Laughing it Up, Martha Bolton, Vine Books 2001
Single Servings by Lee Warren, Revell Publishing 2005.
Scriptwriting by Martha Bolton and Kim Messer, Lillenas Drama
Don’t Stop Laughing Now! by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald, Zondervan

Humor Columnist for the following Monthly Periodicals
On Course Magazine Enrichment Magazine
CBN Online

Awards
Best Actor- 48 Hour Film Project-Nashville 2008
Audience Favorite- 48 Hour Film Project- Nashville 2008
Best Actor- 48 Hour Film Project-Nashville 2007
Audience Favorite- 48 Hour Film Project- Nashville 2007
Grand Prize- Life Lesson Commercial- The Learning Channel (TLC) 2007
3rd Place- Drama, GMA 1998
Grand Prize- Sketch writing, GMA 1997
1st Place- Sketch writing, GMA 1997
2nd Place- Sketch writing, GMA 1997
3rd Place- Sketch writing, GMA 1997
Grand Prize- Dramatic Monologue, GMA 1996
1st Place- Dramatic Monologue, GMA 1996
3rd Place- Sketchwriting, GMA 1996

So yea, the guy knows what he’s doing  Anyways don’t forget to look at the pictures of that office…it’s insane.  We were up for quite a long time talking, and I didn’t get to bed until 3am.  I had the opportunity for stay for a few more days but I really just wanted to get home.  I was just ready to see my house again, sleep in my bed, sit on my own toilet (yes…that does matter), and all the rest.

July 3 - I woke up at like 11am and got ready quickly.  I packed my stuff back in my car (laptop, suitcase, etc.) and got on my way.  Torry wasn’t happy to see me go, but I think I’ll be back  I woke up with a really stiff neck and that wasn’t going to make the ride fun.  I had about 13 hours of driving to do to make it home.  Of course on the way home that neck problem turned into a splitting headache.  It was the worst one I have had in maybe a year.  I could barely stand it, with my eyes pulsating, I wasn’t really driving so well.  Eventually I realized I just had to deal with it and I had many hours to go before I could get some relief.  That’s a crappy feeling being far away from relief without anything you can do about it.  I’m totally shut down when I have a headache.  I probably look like I’m on drugs because my jaw just hangs open and I moan like a moron.  I headed north taking a lot of back-roads like my GPS told me to.  I’m glad it did however because I would’ve gone through Knoxville, TN where traffic would be awful.  I went through a lot of small little towns and hit all sorts of big hills and stuff.  Kentucky wasn’t too far away and I was on back-roads almost exclusively through that entire state.  Only once I got near Lexington did I end up on a highway (a real highway I mean).  I ended up in Versailles as well, which I guess is the horse capital of the world.  All those big horse races, you know….Seabiscuit and all that.  Once I got into Ohio I was back on the highways still trying to get rid of my headache.  I just needed to keep my head still, not turn it quickly and be calm.  That’s how my headaches go away, I’m normally in a room all day with a pillow wrapped around my head keeping as still as possible.  Any surge of blood flow makes it hurt more.  Having a headache is like being angry, your angry and you slowly calm down but the smallest little annoyance brings the anger back up again and worse most of the time.  That’s how headaches work so I just needed a long enough stretch of time to keep my brain and body still.  It didn’t start to subside until it got dark and my eyes could relax.  I was a few hours away from home when it started to dissipate, thank goodness.  I was going to pull over and sleep if it kept going because that many hours with a pounding headache really messes you up.  When I got into Buffalo I felt so good.  I could turn off my GPS and just drive home knowing where I was, what was around me, where to go to get home, etc.  Cops were all over the place too, but Ohio had it the worst.  I saw so many people pulled over.  Ohio is insane when it comes to cops.  I got back into Ransomville and it felt like I never left.  I turned the corner at the stoplight like I had just done it a day ago.  My car pulled up the driveway and I got out looking at my backdoor, I was finally home.  One last thing remained, to unpack my car.  It was about 2:30am at that point and with a headache just barely gone carrying tons of heavy boxes wasn’t the first thing on my list but I knew getting up and doing it was the last thing I wanted so I just got it done.  What a crap load of stuff I had, my goodness.  So many boxes of equipment and such, and only like 10% of it being clothes and essential living items.  It takes a lot to keep my “business” going, what a pain.  I walked upstairs and went into my room.  It had been situated differently as my mom didn’t expect me to be in it for sometime, imagine that.  Anyways I knew I was going to need to remove a lot of stuff in the morning so I just got into bed and checked out for the night.

This week has been a busy one that’s for sure.  I drove 40 something hours from LA all the way to NY, about 10 hours more than on the way there because I took the route to TN.  But it was way worth it and I met some people I think will become good friends.  Torry kept telling me “I’m telling you, your a writer…you’re a filmmaker and a storyteller, I see it in you.”  That was great to hear as I feel that’s my calling.  I now have some time to finish my film at home and get it into some worthy hands.  I’ll have to keep a close eye on my finances, because I’m not sure I have enough to sustain me for the next two months, and that’s assuming the job in Memphis goes through and I actually leave.  Beyond that, I’m unemployed.  Just think of it as an extended vacation.  I know something will come along, but I don’t think it’ll be a permanent stay.  I keep thinking for some reason that this will be the way I make money for the rest of my life.  Writing for this, creating for that, making some money off freelance, selling a film every few years (hopefully), etc.  I know I can do a lot of things, but as I said earlier and talked to Torry about…turning it all into a career and making a living at it is the trick.  I think I’ll get there, but at the moment I’m not 100% how…and I don’t think I ever will be.  It’s one of those things that just happens.  That right opportunity comes around and BAM, success in whatever capacity God has for me.  I must make films for the rest of my life.  That’s where my passion is, my heart is, my interests are, and all things in-between.  There are far too many who like films, like to make films, but don’t really deeply passionately have a caring heart to make films.  They “like” the story not “love” the story.  I have a deep rooted fireball mindset towards storytelling and creating those great moments that effected my life so much.  I’m not an expert, and I don’t pretend to know everything…but I will continue to learn and persue excellence in all things to eventually become that expert.  Not a thing in the world will stop me because I believe it’s God’s Will for me. (not that I become an expert necessarily but that I do what I’m describing with my life)  Here’s hoping for a great future in the Lord and a successful career impacting lives for His Glory…this is only the beginning.

How’s that for a post?  Did you get your fix?  I hope so because I’m starving and need to go grocery shopping and begin the slow but sure process of emptying my bank account.  Adios.

Yep you heard me…packing.  I’m heading back to NY tomorrow morning.  Insane you say?  Maybe, but since when has anything I’ve done in the last 2 years been sane?  I had my car half way packed in a matter of hours after I got up and have the last bit to do yet.  I didn’t pack up everything as I wasn’t sure when to leave.  I still have to pay July rent so technically I could stay and just not work all month and hang out.  I know a lot of people I know would kill for that, especially in LA.  I could do anything here in the city, but I would be doing it alone so I’m not interested, plus with the holiday weekend I want to avoid the insane traffic.  If I don’t leave tomorrow I”ll also miss out on the chance to stay with two friends of mine.  I’m going to leave tomorrow morning after I get my car all situated, get some gas, and shove off.  I’ll be staying in Albuquerque, NM visiting a friend for my first night of driving so that will be great.  Eric Highland is a good buddy of mine I met at the last SAICFF 2009.  Afterwards I’ll be treking it out to Tennessee probably stopping just before the state when I’ve hit my driving limit and getting there the next morning.  Torry Martin is a comedian based in Sparta, TN.  He is a great guy and I plan on staying there more than a day if I can.  From there it’ll be good’ol NYS back to my old house that will be empty.  My parents are leaving for GA in the next day or so and I’ll just miss them.  Empty house again…*sigh.*

Was the trip a waste?  Not at all!  I met some great people and got to experience the other side of the country, no matter how short the stay is.  I was in a bubble at home…a little protective bubble shielded from the rest of the world.  Driving across the country gave me a sense of how big my country really is because honestly I haven’t really seen much of it at all!  I got to live on my own for a little while, get my own groceries, figure out where new things are, get lost a few times, experience city traffic, etc.  Lots of things that others might find annoying I found great because I was just happy to be anywhere new.  I found out I like Sushi, which is weird if you know me.  I saw the Pacific which was awesome.  I think after living here for only a month I feel like I can go anywhere and be OK.  Before this I was terrified to move and scared of uncertainty, I think I welcome it a lot more than before.  Moving back home will be nice, and leaving for TN later in the fall will feel a lot easier because of this I think.  If that’s all this LA month was for was to help prepare me for this next project, then it’s been worth it!

Cya later California, who knows…I may be back.

I spent most of my day editing again.  I was either editing a movie, or watching a movie.  The more I watch movies and the more I work on mine the more I realize it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.  Nothing gets my insides bubbling like a good film can.  Of course the right answer is Jesus is #1…I’m not arguing that.  I’m talking about outside of that.  I’m so excited and thankful to have the passion I have for storytelling.  I think artists have it the best, because art comes in almost every form…so nothing is left outside the realm of possibility.  I’m grateful to have an interest and passion for all forms of filmmaking.  Not just the larger roles normally spoken of like directing, writing, cinematography, or music…but production design, costuming, producing (often left out of the mix when films are talked about), sound design and foley recording, ADR, etc.  All of it interests me because each would be dead in a film without the others to support it.  A great story without great direction is worthless, and if it isn’t shot well it suffers, and if what your pointing your camera at is boring then your film becomes boring, and if the music doesn’t flow with the emotions of the story it wont make maximum impact and on and on it goes.  It’s all one, all unified…nothing left by the curb, nothing more important than another.  It’s all the same.  There is nothing more exciting than to know what your purpose in life is, and to actually be doing it and seeing it happening is a thrill beyond anything I can describe.  Film is not entertainment for me, it’s life.  So much of who I am and what I know comes from the “entertainment” I grew up on and in the films I’ve discovered throughout the years.  It’s been said by secular folks (not even by Christians) that filmmakers are in a way…preachers.  They project what ideas/thoughts/philosophies that they have onto the screen whether it be in symbolism or whatever…it’s there.

I think this is why I feel so strongly about creating good products.  I feel so incredibly passionate about what a film COULD do, that resulting in anything less is unacceptable.  Making movies for profit doesn’t interest me.  Would I like to make a living doing it?  Of course I would!  Getting paid to do what you love is the dream of anyone.  This mentality has come across in debates between other believers when it comes to making just fun family films.  I struggle with that because it would be fun sometime to just do an action movie or something like that.  But the more I think about it (and this is just my position), the more I realize how short my life is.  You only get to work on so many things, and then your dead.  If you had the opportunity to work on 30 films in your lifetime…all of which were financial successes and met their audience, and out of that 30 only 1 of them was missing the gospel…would you want to stand before your creator and say “O come on Lord…29 out of 30 ain’t bad!”  I wouldn’t…  I would rather say “Lord you gave me X and I did as much as I could with it!”  I can’t imagine having a budget spent on a film that doesn’t grow the kingdom, although many would argue what that actually means.  Regardless it’s just a personal conviction I have.  We have to be careful where we spend our time/money…and not get snagged into the trap of “it’s just for fun this time.”  Just my position, do with it what you will.

I’m at about 20% lock on Standing Firm.  That basically means 20% of the films edit is in it’s locked state, not to be touched again (unless there is something I missed, but this is a pretty final position to be in).  We will chop at the bit locking more and more scenes as time progresses.  After scenes are locked I’ll go into the sound to start tweaking and balancing the levels and such to get a more completed properly mixed soundtrack.  ADR also needs to be inserted and mixed after that point.  To be at 20% feels pretty good.  I opened up an old edit file today to look at it and man have we come a long way!  Seeing the completed cut as it was at that point I can see why my gut used to sink when I opened it.  So many problems, scenes that needed reshoots at that point, ADR needed and not recorded yet, gaps in the story we had yet to fill, etc.  So much uncertainty…and to be here now with a much more solid and rounded plan, lets just say it feels great.

G’night.  Tomorrow starts another work week…hopefully the 4th of July in LA is as fun as it used to be back home.

I spent most of my day in Final Cut Pro working on Standing Firm.  I got up at about 10:30 or so, and didn’t have much choice (some inconsiderate moron was blasting music outside in the morning).  I got to work in some of the scenes that need tweaking and changes.  I also started putting together a new trailer that we can release.  This one has music in it that is royalty free and fair game without the need of paying to use.  It is coming together really well and I got a lot done today.  It’s the first time I’ve spent this much time working on the film in a while.  I talked to a few friends today as well that I hadn’t spoken to since I left.  Sam Torcasio called and we talked about some hopeful thoughts he has on shooting a short film this summer sometime.  I think he can pull it off easily, and I hope that moves forward.  I also spoke to Matt Ceislack, a good friend from back home.  I’ll be sure to visit with everyone as best I can when I head back.  It’ll be like I never left, except my house will be empty.  My parents are both leaving this week to head to GA.  That is where my dad currently works and my mom is going down there with the dog to stay for the summer.  It should be interesting being at home with nobody else.  First I move away and get a taste of living on my own in a new place, now I’m going back home to the old place and it’s empty too.  It’s crazy how things change isn’t it, and how quickly?

We’re moving forward.  This week I’ll get some things worked out with my job for preparation to leave towards the end of July.  That should be interesting calling my bosses.  I’m really looking forward to Memphis and this film opportunity.  It’s a really big deal for me, and I can’t wait to get started amongst all the other stuff going on right now.  Lots can be done via Phone, Email, etc. so hopefully we get a ton done even before July is over.  The more preparation you can do before you shoot, the better off everyone will be.  We shot Standing Firm in the worst possible way for the sake of the films quality, and it was very difficult.  Shooting in the “logical” way would’ve given us a terrible product, so I’m glad we did it the way we did but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever shooting something that way again.  This next film in Memphis will be legit.  Full shot lists, storyboards, call sheets, etc. along with a pretty decent size crew compared to what I’ve worked with before.  It’s going to be busy, scary, exciting, a growing experience, etc.  I want to make movies for a living, so to have something like this show up and me NOT be the waterboy/coffee guy…is quite the Blessing.  These kinds of opportunities do not come around everyday, especially for those my age.

Tomorrows another day of sleeping in, then church at noon.  G’night folks.

It seemed all the music I played at my office today resonated with my thoughts/circumstances.  Every oldie had all these words in it that were describing me, it was weird.  I started my day off just like a normal one, but towards mid-day I had a lot on my mind.  Lots has been rolling around in my head in the past week, and it started to get a little heavy.  I’ve been feeling a mix of sadness, regret, worry, happiness and excitement, uncertainty, etc. all at the same time.  It’s a ridiculous mix of crap to have on your brain and I was freaking out.  All this crap like “was this a mistake,” “what am I going to do?,” “can I afford to leave?,” etc.  I had to make a phone call to David Evans and talk to him about the Memphis thing.  Case and point and you can put it on the record, it looks like it’s going to happen.  The ball is rolling now on getting that finalized and squared away.  The opportunity in Memphis is a job on a film called The Grace Card, which has been renamed from the original title The Life Giver.  You might recognize the name as I have been working on concept designs, posters, the older website (now being redone), etc. for a little while now.  David and I have been on the phone for a few months with me just lending him my two cents on some issues, what I would pay attention to and keep track of if he was going to make a film, etc.  It’s been a great working relationship already, and we’ve never even met.

As I thought about what I would do after my internship at PureFlix (for those of you who didn’t know, I’m not an employee yet…only on a 3 month tryout), I had already made the decision in my mind that I wasn’t going to stay.  Problem was there was nothing to go to, no way to pay my bills, etc.  I’ve never in my life gone out into complete financial uncertainty, it’s just not in my nature.  I’m just like my parents when it comes to finances (amongst other things but definitely with money).  Make sure you save, make sure you have a plan and a budget, be weary what you buy and make it last, be a good steward, etc.  All those things roll around in my head often so when it comes time to do something that’s going to put that in jeopardy I freak a little.  That was until I was on the phone with David talking about their current status and DING…a lightbulb.  If I’m not staying here, then does he need help?  It took another 10 minutes for us to realize we could easily work together if the details could be worked out.  The script is close to its completion (in a revision stage at the moment by a screenwriter in Nashville…he co-wrote Space Cowboys with Clint Eastwood & Tommy Lee Jones) and the opportunity and timeline fit like a glove.  It seemed like AD would be a good position to fill as David needs the on-set workflow to move efficiently and it’s not something one man can do.  This film will fill the major positions with pros from camera, sound, and the in-between so having David doing too much on his own isn’t a good move.  Besides AD it looks like I’ll hopefully help Produce the film as a whole, and getting there early is important regardless of that.  The way it looks right now, I’ll hopefully be arriving in September and staying for the duration of that month, October, and into November until shootings completion.  It’ll take that first month to review the prep and get everything wrapped up and finalized so we’re ready to go.  A large task at best, and for someone who is 21 it’s quite the load.  I’m extremely excited to do it however, and look at it as a chance of a lifetime.  After that I’m not sure what I’ll do, I’m basically unemployed unless a new opportunity arises.  I have this funny feeling that something else will birth from this, I can’t tell you why I feel that way I just do.

The other pressing matter I had was my film…Standing Firm.  Ever since I got here I haven’t barely done a thing to it I feel.  That is what really got me upset earlier today.  As I ended my conversation with David I started to break a little and after I hung up I broke.  I’m not 100% sure why but I know that in the past making this film if I ever felt like I was slipping in my responsibility to it I got on my face immediately to pray.  It was a condition I set before I moved.  Nothing changes, the film gets worked on, we move forward, etc.  I know I have as much time as I need to finish and people are supportive but only I know what kind of time I’ve put in…and I felt I was lazy.  If you don’t already know, I’m a passionate guy.  I get loud, excited, and emotional like a maniac when something is in my sights that I feel called to go for.  There’s no stopping me, not in a million years.  With all the miracles of the last year and all the confirmations that this film was to be something special, it really make me sick to think I had betrayed that responsibility.  I really felt like (and had thought about it earlier in the week) that if I was going to leave CA it probably wasn’t a good thing to go directly to TN.  I think I need a time to go home and get myself together before going into such a big task, and I have a film to finish besides that.  I’ve always wanted since we started writing the thing in 2007 to have a large chunk of time to just work on the film.  No more working two jobs, just burning all my energy on this thing and really making progress.  It’s been an uphill battle since day 1 with either a job in ministry or extra work I needed to take, then the film.  You don’t have a social life when you do both…it’s just not possible.  I’ll be damned if I’ll let that happen again.  I need to get my priorities in order.  Priority number 1 is finishing the task set before me, and that’s to complete this film.  Nobody will do it for me, it’s just me and my computer and whatever energy I can spare.  So I called my parents and my business partner and I think it would be wise to go home the end of July and regroup, work on this film for a solid month and get a presentable cut together with temporary music, tweaked edit, basic ADR mixed in, etc.  I really need to do this, I HAVE TO.  Also The San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival will have a deadline this fall for feature-films…and unfortunately I don’t think I’ll make the cut.  Finding distribution is more important, and honestly we have no score and no funding for it.  The film would have to be 100% complete and I don’t think that we’ll get there.  That sorta bums me out, since I know we would have a good amount of support at the fest…but I guess it isn’t what God has in store.  Perhaps we could enter the year after, after the film is released?  It would still be eligible at that point I believe, but any hype the film might have when (if) it’s released on DVD would diminish by then so the odds of winning anything would drop a tad.  There was also the fact that there was no Sherwood film entered this year and no film by last years winner.  The odds would’ve been much better.

I have no kids, I have no wife, I have no responsibilities besides my film, whatever job I might hold, and a car payment with insurance to take care of.  Other than that, I could move once a month as long as I could pay for things.  Nothing is holding me around anywhere besides finances, and if I can take care of myself for the entire month of August before I leave home again in September…then it’s totally worth it if I get a solid month of work done on my film.  I really think it needs the attention.  All that sacrifice put in by everyone and not just myself.  All the people in my church family and surrounding them that passed away in the last year as we made this movie.  So much purpose in it all and us making a film about death, I can’t deny it being a divine appointment that we’re making it.  Above all honestly, I think the people that might be effected by the film (including those that don’t know the Lord) should be of a higher priority than my own comfort.  I’ll do whatever I have to, it’ll get finished.

I ended my day by watching one of my favorite movies with Vance…The Truman Show.  It’s an incredible film…in my Top 5 no problem.  Very few movies make me wish I could revisit what I felt the first time I saw it.  This one had me stunned when it ended the first time.  All I’ve ever wanted to do with my life was recreate that kind of sensational feeling for someone else.  I ate it up as the movie played out watching Vance react to the genius in the film.  Go rent it if you haven’t seen it.  You’ll enjoy it I promise

Today was another early morning coloring In The Blink of an Eye @ PureFlix.  I got there an hour later than usual because I found it a little harder to get up this morning.  My body has been freaking out a little since I got here.  Lots of different sleeping habits, overloads of new foods in different quantities than I’m used to, and other small life changes.  When Vance got in I moved to my office and got to work on other small things that needed to be done.  Book of Ruth seems to be going along fine although because of Blink I haven’t touched it for a little bit.  I went through the whole edit and fixed up any audio issues filling gaps and transitioning audio tracks together.  Sometimes when you shoot a film no matter what you do the amount of noise in a signal is high.  It’s hard to get a fat signal and low noise, which is why sound men get paid what they do.  It really saves you later.  Every place in a room sounds different and if the mic is in the same place in a room and tilted just a little it’ll still sound different.  The way sound works and bounces takes years to master and old sound guys really work from experience.  Towards the end of my day we all went to lunch as The Islands, another place I haven’t been to.  I hadn’t had a really beefy burger since I got here.  I had fast food type burgers but not like a big juicy amazing slab of cow.  This burger was awesome…AWESOME.  I’m so glad I got it instead of something mexican.

After I got home from work I got working on a few odd things that I needed done.  Facebook, Twitter, the Standing Firm edit, emails, articles, etc. all needed some work.  I pretty much did that stuff from the time I got home until now (it’s about 9:22pm PST) and just got done with my last email.  I got a response back today about the Memphis opportunity and I won’t elaborate today (I know you hate me lol).  After I call them tomorrow to talk about the email, ask some questions, etc. I’ll tell everyone what it is, what it’s for, if it’s going to happen or not, and all that jazz.  You’ll just have to wait!

All things considered I’m very excited about this summer.  So much great stuff is going to be happening, no matter what I’m doing as a job.  Standing Firm should really get some traction once I get a presentable cut to some friends.  I have two major places to pitch the film, both linked to Sony Pictures and I have direct contact with both so I feel a lot better.  Most films unless given to the right person just end up on a pile and your left sitting by your computer/phone hoping for a phone call.  In this case I know these people and will know it gets to the right folks, and in this case…one of them IS the right person.  I look forward to seeing what God does with this movie.  I saw so many miracles happen last year in this films shooting as did many on the cast/crew and others who kept up with the events online.  God has a purpose for this movie, and I believe it’s beyond some burned DVD-R’s sold on our website.  I think he’s going to take this film much farther than that.

I want to share more but gotta keep my mouth shut…ttyl folks.  Check back tomorrow.

I got quite a bit accomplished today, much more than usual.  Work was….work and I got out early today because I arrived at 6:30 or so to color-correct again (something I’ll probably do most of the week since the deadline is close).  On my way home I got some subway and enjoyed that back at the apartment.  They don’t even have Italian dressing here to go on subs so I use a packet of their salad dressing Italian on my sub.  I talked to a few people as I worked and by the time I went to bed had done quite a bit.  I was really nervous that I was missing this one line of ADR from Robby and spent a long time searching every ADR file I had for it.  Eventually I just threw all the audio files into iTunes and played them all the way through with my headphones on hoping I could catch the line somewhere.  Unfortunately the line is nowhere to be found.  I think I have a way to get it recorded though without it being too much trouble so that’s good.  I’ll get on that soon, just have to make a phone call or two.  A new article on the Praise Pictures website was posted courtesy of Mikel Wisler, a guy I met online a while ago.  I also had a client for ChristianFilmTrailers.com that needed his content posted.  The site hadn’t been touched in a while and there was some bugs so I got those out of the way as well.

It’s all the small things getting done that makes me feel good, less to do tomorrow when I get home.  Hopefully tomorrow when I get home I can concentrate on the film and get some headway on that instead of getting distracted by other work.  I’m looking forward to a phone call tomorrow, hopefully regarding that Memphis opportunity.  Here’s hopin…

First of all…great movie, and easily in my Top 5.  That an Collateral are two movies in my top 10 that specifically deal with the city of LA as a backdrop and character in the film.  I had to go to Cosco today for work to pick up supplies we were out of.  That place is basically Sam’s Club, just the CA version.  The parking was insane and the entire store was super busy.  I kept thinking of the film CRASH as I walked around the store trying to move around people, find my way, etc.  That store was sorta like LA in heavy traffic, with everyone on their own mission and trajectory, unaware of everyone else around them.  Some people don’t even notice your there, then a second later notice and turn to move.  Others just stay where they are, as if you don’t exist and you have to wait and go around them.  Other people don’t pay attention to themselves let alone you and bump into you.  I had flip flops on so all I was thinking was “please for the love of God don’t hit my foot.”  People with kids of all ages, old ladies, the typical younger couple, then me.  Everyone is just walking around in their own world, with a lot of people ignorant to everyone else.  CRASH opens the film with the line spoken in the trailer I linked to above.  ”It’s the sense of touch.  In LA nobody touches you, were always behind this metal and glass.”  Collateral has Tom Cruise speaking in the film as Vincent…about how he hates LA.  ”Whenever I’m here I can’t wait to leave.  It’s sprawled out, disconnected.”  I’ve watched those two films so many times and locked their message deep within me.  Those films mean a lot to me, regardless of whatever objectionable content they may have.  But to be in a large grocery store of all places, and see that played out was just mesmerizing to me.  My brain never shuts off like a lot of people know.  Even when I’m zoned out the wheels are always turning.  Thinking, imagining, contradicting and fixing, thinking crazy thoughts and sane ones, good things and evil things.  I was zoned out in that place, just moving my cart looking for things and paying attention to everyone around me.  One of the older ladies who sells the little sample food at the corner of aisles just stood there saying the same few sentences over and over again, replacing the tray with a fresh one as everyone nearby mooched off the free food.  That’s her job, to just refill something that never stays that way and say the same old thing indefinitely.  Then of course there’s the fat guy who walks around to each sample station taking 2 of each and shoving it down his already plump frame.  I couldn’t find what I needed so I found a worker there to help.  Here in all this chaos is this guy who’s job it is to know exactly where everything is, and answer everyones questions all day.  He was great and gave me all the info I needed.  It’s nice when employees are helpful, and nice as they’re helpful.  Many just go “o yea yea go here,” and leave you hanging instead of making sure you understand what they said.  That’s a long description of a shopping trip but hey…it has some relevance.  One aspect of the liberal attitude here that I can appreciate is nobody judges you here.  People do judge but not like they did back home.  If you’re short, tall, fat, skinny, man or woman, with a polka-dot shirt or pink fluffy pimp hat nobody gives a crap.  Everything is here, so seeing anything isn’t surprising.  Everyone just goes on their way, although a big ignorant to everyone else as I previously stated.  Thank goodness I’m aware enough to notice everyone else, I used to be so closed off.

The rest of the day went OK, just plugging along with stuff to do.  I’ll be getting up at 5 again to color-correct so that’ll be nice.  Just play some tunes and relax at the computer.  I love that…and can’t wait to leave at 3 or so tomorrow.

Some friends have been surprised at my recent thoughts of leaving/moving again.  That’s understandable on every level.  I do want to clear the air and make it clear that I did not move here for the job.  The job made it possible to move, but by no means did I uproot my entire life for a job.  It would have to be the greatest flippin job on the face of the earth for me to leave everyone and everything I know.  The job was a way out of home…with some security and a place to live.  If the job doesn’t work out, then I move again.  I go where the paycheck is, as are many nowadays.  However, I still go where God leads me to go…and Memphis at the moment feels like that big opportunity I was waiting for.  I can’t spill any hairy details but I will if it goes through.  You’ll find it’s a pretty big deal I think, and a step up from anything I’ve gotten before.  I’m very excited about it.  Regardless of the job going through I’m still doing Graphics/Web/Viral Marketing for the project so I’ll be involved regardless.  We’ll see what happens…(famous line).

I’m going to go to bed soon, so my body doesn’t hate me when I awake tomorrow.  Hopefully that post gave you a little insight into the deep psychotic mind that is my own.  G’night folks, and when you go grocery shopping next time pay attention to people around you, you might find out something new.

I went to Reality LA at about noon today.  The service was really great.  If I leave LA I’ll definitely keep track of Pastor Tim’s sermons via iTunes when I’m gone.  His preaching is excellent, humorous, and packed with heart.  Afterwards I sorta mingled with folks going from person to person until almost everyone was gone.  The last of us went to go eat at this little cafe in Hollywood.  I’m still not used to the fact the Hollywood sign looks down on the building I go to church in.  The cafe was great and had excellent food.  I got a salad with grilled chicken.  Little did I now it was in a bowl like 6 inches deep and 9 inches wide.  This salad was huge, and no way was I eating the entire thing.  I finished the thing when I got home and got to work on a poster I needed to throw together for David Evans.  He has an event coming and needed it quickly.  I can’t believe how hard of a time my computer has working with large Photoshop files.  Maybe my memory settings are messed up for the program, I’m not sure.  While I relaxed I watched Leon aka The Professional.  It comes highly recommended as a great film from the 90’s and I hadn’t heard of it until a few months ago.  It was an interesting story with some very awkward and uncomfortable moments, and others very touching and relatable.  I love stories of a “monster” who becomes softened by another like Beauty and the Beast and things of that sort.  Gary Oldman plays the villain and man is he intense.  He is like Daniel Day Lewis with some pepper sprinkled on top.  View the trailer here.

Afterwards I spent some time organizing the zillions of files on the Standing Firm drive into the proper places.  I was terrified at one point where I opened up the ADR folders and found the file size of the folders to be really small, forcing me to think the RAW files recorded from my actors was just deleted by me.  That scared the living crap out of me.  Luckily it seems everything is OK after opening the files and reconnecting the files.  I was terrified until that point, as I’m in LA and obviously that would royally screw up me finishing the film…not to mention I have an actor in my film all the way in Korea right now teaching english.  Phew…what a scare.

I’m going to get to bed a little early tonight I think, so I can get up earlier tomorrow and hang out before work.  I also found a wonderful sunburn on my back today, in the exact shape of the neck on my shirt.  I knew I was going to get burned, it was 80 today and the sun beat down on me after church just like it does every week.  This is the first time I was outside without my light jacket which normally protects me.  I figured I would get burned but not this bad…owy.

I’m also abit aggravated I haven’t received my first paycheck yet.  It was supposed to arrive almost a week ago and my bank account is low, not to mention I need to send in rent, my car payment, etc. soon.  Hopefully it gets deposited soon.  I’m trying to figure out what I can do about finances soon here.  I use my bank account at home to pay for things, bills, etc. but when my mom leaves for GA I can’t deposit anything into that account.  But if I don’t stay in LA I’m going to be setting up an account just to close it again.  What a pain in the butt that would be.  I suppose I wont have much choice, since after this month there’s no way to deposit any pay I get.