Posts Tagged family
Forward Progress
I got up earlier than I wanted to today but (if you can believe it) I woke up freezing! It was so cold in our bedroom. We’re now on an air mattress since my mom came to pick up our bed (which was hers) so we’ll be buying a new set in GA ($$$). For some reason that room just gets super cold and because the mattress is made of plastic I guess it’s just harder for me to warm up on it because by morning I was shivering. Denise was fine, I guess that’s what body temperature boosts from pregnancy will do for you. Normally I’m a furnace.
I worked from 10;30am or so until midnight on the new Praise Pictures website. It’s funny how I catch a fire of an idea and just run with it and POW in a day you got something to see. :P I just sorta knew what needed to be done and got it done. I’m happy with the design for the most part. It’s a little crowded compared to the older site but I needed to increase the companies online prowess and offer more to visitors. That’s why I’m starting to put up articles again and how-to type things to help other filmmakers and consumers. It helps bring in traffic and new people, and helps inform people at the same time. As I had mentioned before I’m also looking into setting up online rentals for Standing Firm and digital download options for a small fee. I hope these are successful because it’s just another way to help generate revenue. If attacked properly on the next film, we could see a great opening not just on DVD but in other areas like that. I’ve been emailing with a guy who found a service that (for a fee of course) could get your film listed on various different things including iTunes, Amazon VOD, Netflix Instant, etc. I have to wait to check that stuff out, but it looks promising. Even if it doesn’t work out for Standing Firm, as I said, future films like Chasing Glory could benefit from the research. We’ll see what happens.
Tomorrow we’re going to have dinner at my grandparents house. I haven’t seen my grandfather since he had his accident so it’s going to be difficult I think. It’s likely the last time I see him. Maybe I’ll see him a few more times, but the number is short. After we move, unless we’re in NY for holidays or specifically plan to visit…we won’t see everyone much. This isn’t a surprise though. I don’t share this information that much but, I barely know my family. I know pieces of it better than others, but it’s always been a here/there thing without much time invested on my end of theirs. Certain issues I’ve had socially have kept me away as well (not with them even just in general). I’ve never been one to reach out and take the initiative in every relationship I have, and generally I get exhausted trying with too many folks. I should know my family better, but we all seem to just be disbanded and disconnected. Part of me will miss everyone, and apart of me looks forward to GA where Denise and I are going down to break that trend (at least for my end of the family). It’s a new start in many ways with this first child and new beginning down there socially and spiritually with a new church family. Lots of pieces to the puzzle here in why I look forward to moving, I’m scared, nervous, excited, depressed, etc. It’s a mix of everything, but God is in it…so we’re in.
A very busy week and weekend ahead. Four days in a row we’re having some sort of dinner type thing or get together with people because of moving. Five if you count the birthday party today for my niece. I just look forward to that moment when all our stuff is in the new place, the AC is on, the U-Haul has been dropped off, and I get to plop down on my couch and just acknowledge that “we’re done.” Even with all the boxes yet to be unpacked I don’t care, the harder part has been done. It’ll still be an expensive month in August (July is going to be a killer too) but it’s all worth it. Pray I can get all these jobs done in the next few weeks, it’ll help pay for things.
Off to bed, a long productive day.
To Be What I’m Not
There’s a growing pressure as I’ve stated in previous posts to get on the ball in regards to my spiritual and mental growth since before I got married. With a baby on the way it especially now is pressing on me. I’ve often found myself depressed (as I tend to get at times) not necessarily upset but just weighed down by the seriousness and severity of what it means to be a father and lead a home. It’s nothing new for some people probably reading this, and it’s not new for me in thought, but it’ll be completely new for me in deed. There are so many areas where I fall short and fear falling short in front of my children. All fathers fail, but it’s that father’s worst nightmare where the cracks in your integrity are seen by your child (son especially). Mistakes like that can be fixed with apologies made and forgiveness granted, but scars can still remain. I dread the day that for the first time I truly get angry with my children, or Denise for that matter and do something stupid. Beyond behavior is the weight to teach my kids what it means to be. By “be” I mean exist, live, grow, learn, and Glorify God in all things. Along with showing them how to “be” comes the need for them to learn failure and the consequences of it. They’ll learn that on their own as they make their own mistakes but I’ll admit there’s not much I fear more in parenting then seeing my integrity shattered in their mind by a careless word or gesture. God will grant me Grace in those times I know, and I’ll have to be in prayer that in those times my children are willing to do the same. I hope that in teaching them what it means to be gracious in light of the Grace God has given them, that they extend it to their father when I do something in poor judgement.
There’s a lot of inadequacy in my mind most of the time when I look at my Bible, listen to other lecture, watch movies about professors or smart men and women. I just stare at my Bible sometimes and wonder what it is I really know that’s in there that I can teach soundly. I do have time to get better at it, but I told Denise today I feel like my knowledge is broad and thin in most areas of life, without me knowing a lot of things on basis of fact, but more on discernment. There’s merit for that of course, and I feel like most of my life whether it be school, jobs, my career, or whatever else that I’ve been able to make my way through the thorns and thistles to where the flowers are. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but I don’t think there’s a single area of my life where I can truly say I’m “studied.” That’s what I mean by broad and thin. I can tell you a lot about a lot but not a lot about any one thing. Even when it comes to filmmaking I have broad knowledge of the process in almost all areas but no expertise per-say in any of it. In explaining my job I’m not entirely sure what to tell people, since I can’t pinpoint it to any particular service or skill-set. It’s true that has aided in my career growth since it’s provided multiple income streams and a sort of job security not many have. I’m grateful for that but when I see it in my own life as a part of who I am and not what I do, it can be a little worrisome.
I just hope that as I grow in the next year or so that God gives me more peace in this area. There’s many people I see around me that I just feel stupid around as they talk. I’m not an educated man, not at all. I can count on less than two hands how many novels I’ve read in my life, and I held a high 80s GPA my entire life. Not high enough to excel, and not low enough to be mediocre. I suppose there’s consistency in that, and I just pray that whatever wisdom I do have inside me to pass onto my kids that they take it to heart and use it in their lives and realize where it all came from and that’s from God not me.
Pray for me in this area if you could. It’s hard not getting emotional just thinking about what I’m entrusted to do. So much of who a child is comes from who they are raised by, and everyone who is old can attest to that. There is so much I am that I don’t want my children to be, and so much I want them to be that I’m not. It’s a heavy thing to understand, but I’m grateful to know it. It’s knowledge I need to do something with, and sometimes I drag feet. Now isn’t the time to drag feet, it’s the time to get serious.
I Heard The Heartbeat
We had to get up early for Denise’s second doctors appointment at 7:30am today. My alarm went off at 6:15 but naturally I didn’t get up till 6:50. We both felt like pretty crappy I think, and tired on top of that. But, the trip was worth it because we got to hear the babies heartbeat today. It took a while for the doctor to find it. I sat there for what felt like forever waiting to hear it and then it came. Babies hearts beat very fast so it sounded like it was running a 10k inside of her (a joke we later beat to death later during dinner). What a trip hearing that sound from inside my wife. She felt much better because it just makes her feel more pregnant than just ill. It hasn’t been a pleasant experience for her, and honestly I think she’s only thrown up once or maybe twice, but feeling queazy almost all day every day really is a drag for both of us. Sometimes I think she’s depressed and I get depressed forgetting she probably doesn’t feel good. There isn’t a lot you can do about it either except try and eat something small, so it stinks just sorta watching it happen.
I got started on a few little things today. I’m trying to figure out a game plan for marketing of STANDING FIRM this summer. I have a lot of things I’ve yet to do since I didn’t have to put them out there yet. I want to stretch this thing out as long and far as possible. I was Blessed in a recent status update I put on our Facebook fan page (we’re almost north of 220,000 fans now) that got a great response. Sometimes I think people get bugged by the advertising on the fan page, so I break it up with quotes/bible verses. Everyone responded with great kindness so that gave me some encouragement. 
Read the comments by fans.
One iron in the fire is to possibly release the first 5-minutes of STANDING FIRM on our Youtube Channel. We have a few thousand subscribers and 23,000 friends or so on our channel so we should get a decent response, then of course the social-media blasting of it. I think the first 5-minutes really suck you in when you get the movie so it’s a good chunk of the film to release. I’ve thought about doing a few individual scenes but without context in the story they wouldn’t work well so I decided against it. Beyond that I thought about doing a little promo video today for the film and that basically ate up the rest of my evening and night up until now to start and finish it. I didn’t even realize it would work so well and now we have a second trailer to upload online that’s 1 minute long. It’s perfect for quick promotion without taking too much of everyone’s time and people online are more likely to get to the end of the video. I think it sums up the film really well and it gave me the chance to use all the great quotes we’ve gotten from reviewers and organizations. I’m uploading it as we speak and will be spreading it around soon. Hopefully the response is good.
Give it a look…please share it on your Facebook wall if you can!
So yea lots of fun stuff going on around here. I need to get up in the morning to help my grandma with her TV woes…the life of a geek! G’night folks!
