Life of Kyle Prohaska

Today was interesting.  I got to work on things as soon as I got up this morning.  I think I would consider today my first official day of work and not yesterday since it was the first “wake up and begin” type of work day.  There’s a lot of work to do all around the internet, on facebook, a bunch of websites, etc.  Not impossible, it’ll just take a bit.  I’m being paid to hang around on Facebook, post on forums, and do other tasks like that.  It’s a little weird to be honest, although I’ve been doing it for well over two years on my own film.  Speaking of which I released a new video today.  I’ve been waiting for months to release some of this stuff.  I have all sorts of little videos and promotional things to gather interest for the film.  These aren’t some normal behind the scenes videos.  I look at these exactly how I would look at my film.  They need to be good, emotionally charged, and gripping to whoever is watching them.  A friend of mine was online late tonight and I gave it to her to watch first.  A few minutes later she said she was crying.  Bingo…my job is done here!

That’s exactly what I need to happen because it’s the only way these videos will make a difference in the grassroots.  I’m excited because I can finally release another after waiting 2 months since Pastor’s video.  I’ll probably do one a month sometime if I can.  Two months is too long as I’ve noticed last months traffic was insanely high but this month is dragging.  I’ll release a new video every time things start to slow to pump it back up again.  It’s about consistency with this stuff, and keeping the interest growing little by little each month.  Dangit I wish we had the money to finish this film right now.  I’m going to send off the new screeners to a few people maybe tomorrow or the next day.  Tomorrow I’m going to make a bunch of phone calls to get the day of shooting nailed down.  It’ll probably be on a Friday if I can do it there.  That’s prime time to use Pastor’s office since he’s gone on Fridays so his office should be free.  Yes, I said shooting.  We have one loose end to tie up that seems to be pretty universal amongst viewers.  It’s all flashback material, no scenes to speak of here…but it’s important information.  It’s funny when you write the script, you direct, you cut scenes out, you come up with new ideas that you don’t use, how easy it is to forget that whoever is watching the film doesn’t have all that information.  They only have what you present them with from fade in to fade out.  So in this case I took a misstep in thinking something would be picked up on.  Perhaps some will, but too many would have questions for me to leave it alone.

I’m off to bed…Lord willing that video will create some buzz…speaking of which view it here and enjoy!

So I’m “off the soup-line” as my dad would say because I finally found a steady job.  I started working for Cloud Ten Pictures yesterday (I’m writing this on tues morning).  I’ll be helping them with building grassroots awareness via the internet.  It feels good to have some sort of steady paycheck coming, I gotta say.  I just sorta sat around brainstorming and interacting with Paul L all day (boss) to get things situated, send my initial suggestions on where to start, etc.  I think I’ll enjoy helping get things up and moving for them in regards to internet buzz.  I seem to have a knack for it, so it’s just how to go about it since they have a company that’s way more popular to start, and a lot of products to promote now and in the future.

I finished new screeners for Standing Firm as well.  Version 5.1 is now ready to go to any interested parties.  It includes that cut of the film plus 4 Behind the Scenes sample interviews and the trailer.  I finally have chapters in this version too so it’s not so annoying for whoever has the disc to skip around.

So yea life is getting better.  I need to find out in the next day or so when we’re going to shoot because it’s getting to the point where finding a sitter on Rob’s end could be a challenge.  I can’t have that screwing with their lives any longer.  They’ve worked long enough on this thing.  Love you Rob! lol.

Off to work…and by off I mean off of this browser window and onto another.  Craziness…

Well lots has been happening lately.  I met with Paul Lalonde and Andre Van Heerden from Cloud Ten Pictures this past tuesday which was a great time.  We had a lot of laughs and were there for about 3 hours or so.  In the end there was some talk about them possibly needing some internet marketing and PR help so I’m really interested in that as I need some sort of steady work at the moment to help me out.  They got huge plates of food by the way.  I laughed at one point where Paul thought he was done and stabbed into his plate lifting 3 pieces of hidden brisket out from the pile of gravy almost like it had been hiding there waiting to surprise him, ha ha.  Those guys and their company are by far the most successful Christian movie company in history aside from maybe The Passion.  They’ve just sold so many more copies than most people can shake a stick at.  It’s nice to talk the business side sometimes I must say.  It’s interesting because I need to get into and become very concise on how to handle that side of things for myself if I’m ever going to hand my livelihood on this industry.  It’s a tough world…as I’m finding out.  Nearly broke, barely getting work, asking for my parents to pay for a few things early as replacement Christmas gifts, lol…etc.  I’ll be ok though, I know many in worse positions that’s for sure.  Broke to me is having less than 1,000 in the bank because then I’m in danger of living check to check.  I’m at the edge of that right now and just starting to get there.  I want to get out of there NOW!

Some other things have been happening that I can’t discuss but please pray that the Lord would be found in it and that Peace would come down to all those involved.  This is going to be something really tough so please pray for me and the others involved.

I finally got a call from a distributor today.  Just discussed a few things, said things would move onto see where they would want to go with the product and I would hear something back again.  I’m going to put together a special page where anyone interested in the film can see some of the unreleased promotional content.  Any company that uses churches to advertise their new films and such will especially like these kinds of videos.  If you can have people crying in 3 minutes with just the cast and crew talking about your film (which is exactly the kind of videos we have lol….and lots of them), then you know your on the right track to move some DVD’s out the door.  So we’ll see.  Reel 4 is going to lock sometime soon and I’ll love to have that sorta off my chest in regards to the edit.  It takes a long time to edit a film.

I’m meeting with a tax guy tomorrow to discuss a bunch of things, one of them how to handle my own taxes this year since it’s from like 4 different places.  Taxes is another thing I’m nervous about because I’ll probably owe quite a bit this year and with 1000 or less in the bank, you got some problems with that come billing time…so…pray for me, lol.

That’s about it for now…just living the dream.

You’ll notice towards the bottom right I’ve re-instated the wonderful survival fund. It’s actually saved me financially when someone has donated at the perfect time. I’m not going to go out and blow this somewhere, it’s something I might need. So if you feel led to help me out in anyway…please go for it lol.

Today was a boring day, not much to tell. All I did was resign from ministry, accept a new job, reject another, have a nervous breakdown, and get a big spiritual uplift afterwards. Like I said, not much to tell.

For those of you who are wondering which job I took…I took the one in LA. This means big changes for me in the next 6 weeks. My last day here will likely be the 26th of May. That will give me a few days to get to CA, get settled as best I can, and have a weekend to chill before starting my new job on June 1st…one day before my 21st Birthday. Yes folks, I’m only 20. Whether that shocks you or not, doesn’t matter. Those of you messaging me about the answers to life, your getting advice from a 20 year old. Just figured I would put that out there. I’m not saying that’s negative either, I just think most are unaware of just how young I am (it’s just a number in my opinion).

I had severe anxiety most of the morning, getting an upset stomach and feeling really sick. I went about my normal day thinking about things heavily and debating. Technically I made up my mind the night previous but I was still second guessing myself and things of that sort. Regardless I talked with my Pastor about my resignation and he alerted the deacons so they could work up a game plan for me leaving. I’ll be working with my Pastor from now until leaving to get him more acclimated to my actual job so he knows how to do most of it. My job isn’t difficult it just takes time, something most don’t have to “volunteer.” That’ll be a lot of time spent while I’m at work besides having the normal sunday morning video to do which wont be difficult. I’ve been at NFBC on staff for 3 years this May, its been a wild ride. So much has happened in the last 3 years, more than I care to share. What a roller-coaster it has been. Working in ministry has its ups and downs no doubt. Church politics sucks by the way, just figured I would make that clear. Take it from someone on the “inside.”

I eventually called David A.R. White who will be one of my new bosses at PureFlix Entertainment. I told him I wanted the job, worked out how to send me my paperwork, etc. I should get it tomorrow and fax it back by afternoon. I was going to wait to call Andre at Cloud Ten but figured it would roll around in my head if I didn’t get it over with quickly. I called and broke the news to him by which he was very respectful and understanding of my decision. I told him to keep me in mind for any “for hire” jobs in the future, help with small projects, etc. Anything I can do for them on a case by case basis for more pay I would do just like I would any other job like a website or graphic job. I hope they give me a call sometime, I know I could come in handy! Moving almost 3000 miles from everyone I know and everything I know will be a very difficult and scary thing, but I’ll have to trust that God will take care of me and keep me safe. I’ll need all of you out there to keep in touch and visa versa on my end. The enemy will no doubt try and bring me down quickly since my normal face to face accountability with friends/family will be extinguished.

I still don’t have a place to live and I’m hoping I can snag the original place I had in mind which it turns out is still open. I need to wire the money quickly and to do so I’ll be living off my American Express card for the next week and a half since I just got my last paycheck last friday. $750 a month + a damage deposit when I arrive end of May. All in call it’ll cost me quite a bit to move, 750 x 2 + gas to drive there which will be about $200 (my 05 Toyota Camry gets good gas milage).

When I arrived home, that’s when things got kinda bad. I came home to look at our movies edit and really evaluate where we are. I didn’t get through the whole thing, didn’t have a lot of time to because I was leaving for Vintage in an hour and a half or so. A large amount of anxiety filled my body soon after getting home and I looked at our film. A clock had started ticking when I woke up in the morning. I have 5 weeks to complete all shooting needed and ADR required. Seems completely doable to me if properly planned and I know exactly what I need. There lies the issue. I know what is left to shoot but I really need to be 100% sure there is nothing that needs strengthening and fixing via shooting to complete the film. I can’t afford to miss anything and the middle of the film is where the most holes are and uncertainty lies. The scenes are there but there is some shakiness I felt in terms of how strong it was, it needing a little tweak here or there, etc. There is a story change we made I haven’t fully hammered out yet that has to be figured out soon…before we shoot at Kevin Michael’s house again (the main house of the film). I felt worse and worse every ten minutes and I’m not sure why but I began to sob. Yes call me dramatic if you want, but I think it was just a big crashing of emotion falling down on me. Few other than those who have poured so much into something before would understand why. I wont get into all that as it isn’t worth restating and getting all fat headed about my “woe as me!” moment. Either way the feeling was fear, true fear that I won’t figure it out in time. Fear that all the people around the country that know of the film, are waiting for it, praying for it, etc. are going to be let down, and fear that all the work put in will be faltered or made less of because of my incompetence. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown and cried out to God for help on my knees in my bedroom. To give my wisdom to complete the film, patience and humility, the proper outlook, etc. I hadn’t felt so burdened since before we started shooting last year.

I calmed down a little bit and decided to go to Vintage as I said earlier. I knew I was really going to need it and talk to a few friends of mine to ask for some prayer, not just for the move but for the movie. It’s really hard feeling that way and not having someone to talk to. Sometimes I catch myself unloading my burdens and problems on people I barely know or those who are at an arms reach simply because I don’t really have someone I can do it with. I do but they aren’t close. I get sick of using the internet to talk to people and want a human face or someone to hug sometimes when things are really difficult. Might not sound like the “guy” thing to do but I don’t care at all. Guys need hugs too sometimes, and if your a guy reading this…admit it to yourself and stop being macho because nobody cares, lol.

Vintage was good, I didn’t show up with such a good smile on my face. I wasn’t upset but was sorta “neutral” in my appearance. I told a few friends about the news for moving and the movie and by the end of the night had 3 people pray for me specifically and during their prayers say how I was such an inspiration and example to them. That really touched me, and Blessed me a great deal. I didn’t really know I made people feel like that. I get Facebook messages and emails often of people encouraging and being very inspired by our film and things of the sort but having a human face or a friend come out and say stuff like that really gave me a lift. The message was about relationships tonight but within that was some core questions that I needed to hear. Stuff that I know and that I’ve battled with all during this films creation but every so often need an uplift and to be reminded just how far God has brought us. In the end the statement given (Mark 3 somewhere I believe), Jesus stated “Don’t be afraid. Just Believe.” That end part of the verse froze me in my chair and immediately made me start crying again. I just start repeating it to myself like a chant in my seat. I really needed to grasp that and hold on tight to it. It’s something I’ve had to deal with countless times making this film, having never made a film before…each time we started something new I had to cling to that very thought. It gave me a big boost and took away the anxiety even though I still have a lot to do! lol.

I bumped into a friend of mine also that will be able to really get things setup properly for our ADR which is a big deal to me. Not this Saturday but next he will be over with his box of goodies to make sure I have all the little pieces or annoying accessories I might need to get setup. It would take too long to ask him what I need, order something online, have it shipped, then realize you forgot something, etc. I don’t have time for that so he is going to help me out and I’m very grateful, thanks Paul.

Afterwards I went to Applebee’s with friends and had a great time and met some new people. We had fun chatting and joking as usual. Tuesdays are such a great night for me. I get to really feel my age when I go out lol, most of the time I feel 40+ like I already have a marriage and kids on my hands. Ministry is the marriage and the kids are the movie sorta.

One of the best and hardest days I’ve had in a long time. God has been faithful though and I’ll be ok. Thanks to everyone who has messaged me in the last 24 hrs to give me support, advice, prayers, encouragement, etc. I don’t think I really know just how many people are watching most of the time. Thank you all for caring so much about a 20 year old dude in Ransomville. As much as I may or may not inspire or encourage you all, you give back to me 10x over. Thank you so much, you don’t have any idea just how much you all mean to me.

Today was an interesting day. I’ve been waiting on word for a job in California and honestly didn’t expect a call today. I was told I would receive one but with the recent events in the last month I wasn’t optimistic. Yesterday I also talked with Cloud Ten Pictures owner Paul Lalonde about their company and just friendly conversation. They were looking for a internet/viral marketing geek to come up with new ideas and to spread the word about films online. I seem to have a knack for internet marketing in it’s many forms and I guess I’ve been “on their radar.” Today I was told to wait for a call from Andre Van Heerdan, CEO of Cloud Ten Pictures and a great guy I’ve had the pleasure of talking to on the phone and emailing on many occasions. What followed was a job offer to come on board possibly for their company. Not expecting the other job to even be possible anymore I was floored and very excited. It would allow me to stay in NY, work from home 90% of the time, do something I’m good at and enjoy, etc. I called my parents who were both happy, talked to my Pastor, etc. I was pretty surprised about the whole thing, and very flattered.

However as fate stepped in, things got complicated. I did end up getting a phone call from the other and original job offerer, PureFlix Entertainment. It was David A.R. White on the phone, who some of you might recognize from a lot of Christian films and shorts out there. The job offer was indeed real and it was the phone call I had been waiting for. The pay isn’t fantastic but the opportunities out there are many. I was torn when I ended the phone call, feeling really torn between the two jobs. Which one does God want for me vs. which one do I want? I don’t want to make the wrong choice, especially one that might involve me moving 2800 miles in just 6 weeks or so. That’s a long ways away from everything I know. I called my parents again to fill them in only 40 minutes or so after the previous phone call. I really think that the job in California will present more future possibilities of a production kind while the one here would be more cushy and comfortable. I think I would like both but I feel I would only LOVE one. I want to make films, that is where my passion lies. I’m still a little torn between the two, and will make a decision tomorrow.

There is much to do if I move. I have to finish all shooting for the film and ALL ADR (Automated Dialog Replacement). Basically anything that ties me to this location which is quite a bit. There is some insane work to do on the film to be able to get out of here. Also in ministry I must put in my resignation after 3 years and make sure the media ministry can stand on it’s own two feet without me. That will be a challenge but I’m sure God will provide. If I take the CA job, much will change. My life will change forever I think. I’m not saying that to be dramatic, I’m serious. One problem with this area that was solved with that Cloud Ten phone call is there is nothing here for me. Nothing career wise here in this area for me, so if CA doesn’t work out there isn’t much to come back to. I want to find a place and settle. I want to get married in 5 years. I want to find a job where I can grow and build a career that can support a family sometime soon. Perhaps I think about much more than the normal 20 year old male, but that’s ok. We’ll see what God brings to my mind while I sleep and during my morning tomorrow. Please pray for me. I also need to find a place to live, my biggest challenge if I move…PLEASE PRAY FOR THAT.

I went for my normal bike ride today for the third day in a row, it’s getting easier. When I got home I took V8 Peach Mango juice and frozen fruit and made a smoothie that I’m drinking as I type this….mmmm.

Big changes coming I feel, whether I move or not.

EDIT: If you want to listen to a song that calms me down, right click and save here.