Life of Kyle

I wrote a little note to my friends on Facebook.  Just a goodbye and clearing the air type of thing.  I really have some wonderful friends that God has Blessed me with, and I’m very sad to be leaving them.  Losing Cooper put a lot in perspective, as did the many other folks who I know that passed away the last two years.  I don’t want to leave everybody this time without me getting my shot to let them know what they mean to me…

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=144110215324&ref=mf

I’m writing this late at night in the midst of emotion so expect an irrational, overblown, and open post.  I have no shame in what I write, something I made clear to Torry Martin while I visited him at his home.  He assured me it was something that would make my writing unique and more enjoyable to read, and I agree.  Hopefully this somehow articulates how I think, how I feel, why I am the way I am, and what I think about almost everyday.

Maybe it’s a tad fairy tale of me to think that someday an amazing, beautiful, God fearing woman will come across this blog and find the man she is to marry.  I don’t just write to unload and pull out, I write to search and take in.  I have asked God in the past why he gave me such a burning passion for all things.  It seems no matter what it is I have a deep emotional response to it whether it be a book, a movie, a painting or photograph, and one day…it’ll be a woman.  A perfect woman in my eyes, the one God has made out to be my wife and me her husband.  I long for that day, more passionately than any other.  The only day second to that is the day my first child is born.  Tears swell just thinking of those two powerful moments.

On many late nights prior to this one I’ve asked God why he’s given me these intense passions and feelings…and why in the world I have nobody to share them with.  I know one day that day will come but when, when will be?  Will I meet her in a coffee shop or in line at the grocery store?  Perhaps I’ll have my face buried in my iPhone and we’ll knock heads together in a parking lot?  No matter how it happens, I want it to happen soon.  Many people have heard it from me before but I know for a fact that I’m to be a family man.  I want a bunch of kids and a tree fort in the backyard.  I want to play house with my daughter and G.I. Joes with my little boy.  I want to walk into my kitchen one day and see my mom baking her wonderful cookies, the smell filling the house.

I want to lay at night with my wife and talk until morning.  I want to hear what she has to say about her day, and laugh together at all the little events of the week.  I want the first day of school, that moment where my first child steps on the bus for the first time, and me tearing up as it begins to move down the street.  I think of birthday cake and Christmas, my children’s smiles light up as they open their gifts.  I watch with glee at their elation, my heart heavy with love.  My wife looks at me with admiration, and I back to her.

Graduation day, as they walk across the stage, a period passing and a new beginning.  Their diploma is given to them, a reminder of the huge achievement that has been accomplished.  I’ll be the dad with the video camera, cheering their name no doubt embarrassing them with how loud I am.  My daughter looks at me rolling her eyes but smiling, parents right?

I keep thinking of daughter moments but next comes an eventual wedding day.  Nothing gets my emotions flowing like a wedding.  There I am standing next to her in the hallway leading into the sanctuary.  It’s not our turn yet but a bead of sweat rolls down the side of my head.  She looks at me, completely calm.  I’ve never seen her so calm.  We look into her eyes with so much love in my heart, realizing this is the last time she’ll be my little girl.  It’s our turn and we begin to move.  We round the corner into view and the photographer snaps a photo and all guests rise up gasping at her beauty.  She will be gorgeous too, I know it.  We reach the end of the aisle and say our lines, and I hand her off to the wonderful man the Lord set forth for her…just as he did for me and my wife.  The wedding is over and they kiss, she is now his and I’ve let her go.

There’s so much more in-between those few moments, and I can’t wait for each one whether it be good, bad, or ugly.

What a life that would be, perhaps a fantasy, perhaps not.  I don’t even know how far off those days are for me.  Maybe five years before I get married?  Ten?  All I know is whoever my bride is, I miss her already.  I love my kids and they aren’t even born yet.  Lord please bring her fast, and bring me a family I can love and can lead in your ways.  Please don’t make me hold these feelings in any longer.

I think I just became a writer.

What is your heart?
Broad question but I’ll try and make it as simple as possible.  I’m a Christian, period.  I do the best I can to live by God’s principles and the values and commands in His Word.  I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be.  Admitting mistakes is something I’ve had to learn and I do it as often as possible…even if the person I need to talk to will be hurt.  I’m a bit more bold than most, and at times it gets me in trouble.  I do prefer to tell it how it is, because many issues in my opinion are handled too lightly by folks in the name of “kindness.”  I’m gentle and compassionate and will sit and cry along with you if your having serious problems but if is by a fault of yours that problems keep happening and it is the 5th time you’ve come crying, I won’t turn you away but I will give you a spiritual “biff” upside the head.  Sometimes that’s what we all need, I’ve needed it and received it on many occasions.  As a kid I was pretty reclusive and quite, keeping in a lot of anger and problems that I’ve learned to release as years have gone on.  A temper still remains, I don’t deny it or hide it, but I have continued to work on it as time goes on.  I’m 10 times as soft as I was back in High School.  I think everyone has that thought at least once that “maybe I’m not a Christian, maybe I’m fooling myself.”  Times like that hit when your in sin and think you’ve gone too far into the depths to climb back out (which is a lie, always a lie).  But I catch myself in circumstances and feeling things that I would’ve never cared for or felt in years prior.  I can tell God is working on my heart year by year. (I can’t think of anything else to put here without writing a books worth…so if you have questions let me know LOL)

Where do you stand?
Well, this is like the previous question.  There is no specific topic so I’ll just do a mish mash.  I believe in the Bible, what it says about life, where the world is going, where it was, and why it is the way it is.  I believe in one God in three persons (the Trinity), and that God will bring his judgment.  I believe that to acquire eternal life you must trust in the Lord as your Savior and admit your status as a sinner.  Most people end that with the prayer, but in reality you must change your ways and your thinking in line with those of the Lord.  If there is a decision with no life change, there is fault in your decision and it is counterfeit.  I think I’m very much on the conservative side although I’m careful about using the term as it has its own world inside.  There are tons of different kinds of conservatives.  No sex before marriage, lots of danger there with allowing too much intimacy and such before marriage as well.  Having not really experienced it I can’t say how well I would deal with it.  I can understand how hard it must be to want to be close to someone but know you have to stay away for the good of both.  It’s probably like two ropes tied to opposite arms pulling you in different directions.  Either way it’s for the best.  I do however think that it can be up to the discretion of the two people.  As adults we are responsible for our own life choices.  If you choose to hold hands, prepare to want to kiss.  If you kiss, prepare to want more.  The more you introduce the farther your body will wish to go.  Hormones aren’t a myth, they do their job and do it well.  Music and Movies, that one is tough for me.  I love both but I am careful about what I watch now, much more so than I used to be.  I love all forms of music, I can’t really pick a genre.  I’m big on oldies because that is what I grew up with.  I often feel decades older than I am and I can sit and chat with people much older than myself.  Most of the people I know really well are 40+, and my business partner is almost 50 so I’m used to being around older people.  When it comes to kids I’m terrified to have them but excited at the same time.  I’ve wanted kids for a long time, and since I’ve grown up so fast I wanted them way before it was probably healthy to.  I really look forward to those awesome moments in the future.  Of course I’m not blind to all the stuff in between.  I’m always aware that times will be getting more difficult and each new generation is becoming more and more wicked and rebellious.  It’s really scary and I fear for my future children already.  I was never into the whole homeschooling thing but the state of the world really has me leaning that way almost exclusively.  With the way schools are now, I wouldn’t even be comfortable throwing them into that.  My mind was twisted a lot by what happened to me in public school, my kids will not have that same experience, I’ll make sure of that.

What ticks me off?
Lots, ha ha.  There is plenty that ticks me off.  I think some of it is due to the fact I never had the chance to really be a kid.  For a short spell yes but I’ve always been very mature for my age.  I do not feel like I’m about to turn 21, it feels much more like 30 or something to that effect.  Most my age (especially men) are loud, obnoxious, careless, foolish, etc.  I can’t stand them honestly.  Not all are that way but most my age don’t really know what life is about, where to go, what to do, etc.  They have no plans for life or a direction to move in.  Not that it is horrible to be that way (floating on a breeze), but when it turns to foolishness and folly, it angers me.  To sum that part up it ticks me off to see so much potential go to waste in those around me.  I see many talented folks throwing their lives away or pointing the gifts God has given them into foolish places.  Kids disrespecting their parents angers me, and it has gotten worse as years go on.  No it all brats who can get anything they want but if their parents left them alone for 3 minutes they wouldn’t have a clue what to do or where to go or how to take care of themselves.  I hate filth and messiness.  This is hilarious to some because my room can often become a disaster, especially if I’m working on something.  However it is often clothes and in 5 minutes I can have it looking spotless.  I think I get tunnel visioned on a task and run a million miles an hour until it is completed.  That is habit I’m trying to break and will need to when it comes time to get married and have children.  Multitasking will be increased quite a bit.  My point of saying all that is when I’m at someone else house and see squaller, it really annoys me.  I’m a bit of a germaphobe.  Not like insane with it but it really does bother me depending on the circumstances.  People with pieces of food in their couch…YUCK.  You might find clothes in my room and dishes, but the clothes are easily cleaned up and the contents of the dishes are not all over my desk or sticking to furnature…yick.  Being accused of things I haven’t done really makes me angry, much more so than other things.  Being called a liar is not something I take lightly, and it really makes deep wounds with me.  This will sound stupid but being touched really bugs me too.  Because of my past a little bit, I was very defensive and angry as a kid.  Someone trying to poke or biff me upside the head normally meant they’d be really sorry.  A piece of that remains still and I don’t appreciate being touched or fooled with.  If you biff me upside the head, prepare for a much harder biff to your own crainium.  Pranks tick me off as well, normally because it involves making fun of someone at their expense, which is exactly what I dealt with often as a kid.  Pranks are absolutely off limits in my book especially if they are of a physical sense.  Wasting money annoys me but I’m not so tight with my money that it runs my life.  If I need something at the store (need it), then I buy it.  People who whip out the 50 coupons drives me nuts.  It isnt’ bad to do that, but it can become a bit excessive.  I don’t waste money, and I’m good at saving.  Most people used to think I was rich somehow but it’s simply because I’m good at saving for something expensive.  If a TV is going to cost me 2000 bucks, then you save that two grand.  It’s just discipline, nothing more.

What do you love?
I love music, movies, photography, hockey, ping pong, electronics and computer sciences, and lately…writing (can you tell?).  I love being witty and funny, something that luckily didn’t get killed as a kid.  My sense of humor comes through often and I don’t hide it.  I like keeping things as light as possible, even though I can be pretty serious at times.  I really like to enjoy times of silence, walking by myself, enjoying the stars or sunset, etc.  I think the world moves so fast now that people often forget about that simple stuff.  I like to enjoy the simple things, things I feel like I missed as a kid.  All that goofy stuff that I don’t think I ever got to do, I try and do it whenever I can.  I like to help people and listen.  I used to be terrible at listening but for some reason my skills have improved.  A lot of people seem to come to me to chat sometimes, and I like that.  I like giving advice to people because I’m very to the point.  I can give someone that kick in the butt they need to get something done, or to talk to that person, or end that relationship because it’s unbiblical, or whatever it may be.  I enjoy doing that, it gives me satisfaction.  Oddly enough (and probably to the surprise of many I know who might read this), I LOVE to sing.  I actually think I have a pretty decent voice.  I sing in the car constantly but rarely sing in public.  There are many songs in my range that I can dominate, lol (I hope I’m right and I don’t really stink).  Either way I find singing enjoyable.

What is your vision for the movie industry?
Well I’m not so sure I have a particular vision for the industry but only for myself.  I’m of the opinion that one person can do a lot if you do something great.  Making a great film changes the industry, especially if it’s something new.  Fireproof changed Christian filmmaking as did their previous film.  Some people are a bit too focused on a revolution and less focused on the task at hand…their film.  I just want to make good films.  A “good” film (technically, storytelling, etc.) can be full of lots of immoral junk so don’t misunderstand me.  I want to make films that impact people in a positive way, and including Christian principles or the gospel are a great way to do that.  I think it hasn’t been implimented very well even in some of the most popular films.  I take that as a great challenge to right the wrongs and flip flop the stereotypes that plague the Christian film world.  We are looked at as a joke, a niche market that is for bible thumpers only and loaded with unreal dialog, mediocre camera work, terrible acting, and overblown everything.  I want to change that…and if changing that in my films changes the “industry” then so be it.  If it doesn’t, that’s ok.  I’m only working on my first feature and honestly the only thing I’m really waiting for isn’t the paycheck or attention, but that round of clapping when the fade out occurs.  Beyond that, it’s all whip cream on top.

Got anymore? Email Me

I love entertainment of all kinds.  I think God has given me gifts that apply to the entertainment industry (besides some other artistic gifts and such) so it’s only natural that I enjoy that the most.  Most of my interests flow into that catagory.

Movies: Anyone who knows me well, knows movies are a huge part of my life.  They have definited entire regions of my childhood.  I can pick a time in my life and tell you what movies I watched a million times a week (usually burning out the VHS tape eventually).  They have shaped some of my personality, way of doing things, phobias, etc.  For the good and the bad obviously because not all entertainment your exposed to is good for you.  I’ve debated whether or not my kids will be allowed to watch much TV.  If they do, I’m glad there is technology now to protect them from what they could watch.  Although if they are as savy as I was as a kid they could easily bypass it (kids are smarter and smarter all the time now….sheesh).  I have a deep passion for movies, especially my favorites because of the impact they have on me as a person.  I’ll fight tooth and nail to defend a few of them, lol.  Some people would freak if you told them Nascar was the most boring sport in the world, or hunting was just flat out boring.  If you say “The Shawshank Redemption is the lamest piece of entertainment the world has ever known…”, you better watch out! :)  I can see how God ordained all the interests of my childhood to lead me to creating films, even into the traditional art background I have.  It always pointed towards filmmaking.  I’m glad to see it come full circle, I couldn’t be more excited.  I love almost every genre there is, except for Horror.  I’m not too big on horror movies, I find them replusive a lot of the time.  Most of them that come out now (especially horror flicks) are about red corn syrup and girls wearing close to nothing that always seem “pirky” if you know what I mean.  It’s rediculous, no value in it at all.  Most of my favorite films involve some sort of story that really touched me personally and most of the time they are dramas of somekind.

Top 10 Films:
1) The Shawshank Redemption
2) The Green Mile
3) Forrest Gump
4) The Truman Show
5) Road to Perdition
6) Crash
7) Signs
8 ) October Sky
9) Rudy
10) Pleasantville

I know I’m forgetting a bunch but that top 5 especially is rock solid, they never move.

Music: Other than visuals, I think my brain is wired really well for music.  I can’t play a single instrument, but my memory when it comes to sounds, musical cues and notes, etc. is very attentive.  I think it has a lot to do with my hearing as well, not just the music side of things.  I do find it odd that I never learned music but I think I would pick up on it pretty quickly if I had the time.  That is one thing I’ve found is that you can only learn so much and tune skills.  I’m glad I have such a broad skillset in things but it’s still limited.  I tried a little bit of everything so far in my life but I settled on a certain arena of art, and it’s still a broad scope of possibility.  Music is very important to me.  Just like movies, I have songs that can remind me of points in my life because I remember playing them back over and over again.  I remember combinations of sound, music, and visuals so well that I’ll remember all the lines to a song, or the next line in a film, or when the car horn is about to sound in that action sequence…many years after I’ve seen it.  It’s very helpful to me I think :)  Music is just awesome, and I have LOADS of it.  Oddly enough, I never really owned too many CD’s.  My taste in music is extremely versitle.  I love a little bit of everything, even the really weird stuff.  I’ve never found a single CD that I liked in its entirety.  It’s always a song or two, so I could never justify the cost of buying an entire album.  Thank goodness for the internet and iTunes music store.

Televison: I’m not too big on TV.  I don’t watch a lot of it, but I used to.  When I was a kid, it was like my playtime.  Lots of old shows really impacted me as a kid.  I was a Nickelodeon child, not a Cartoon Network child.  Shows like Rocko’s Modern Life, Doug, Are You Afraid Of The Dark?, Hey Arnold!, The Secret World of Alex Mack, etc. were the kind of shows I watched.  I can see how far downhill kids shows have gone since I was little.  They are all idiotic and moronic, turning kids into idiots.  Oddly enough, I’ve grown fond of reality TV.  Not the annoying kind ;)  I love TLC and shows like Jon & Kate Plus 8, Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, How It’s Made, Dangerous Catch, etc.  History Channel specials, True Hollywood Stories, Law & Order, Seinfeld, etc.  Not many actual TV shows catch my attention, more the learning ones.  If I’m going to watch TV, I try and make it as useful as possible.

Internet: Oh boy, like I even have to answer this one.  I spend way too much time on the computer.  My whole world revolves around it sometimes.  Unfortunately so does my work so I’m on it quite a bit.  There is no way for me to just give up the internet for a month like some people do.  I wouldn’t get a paycheck…so yea.  I like blogging and writing, talking to friends I can’t see face to face, looking up places I want to visit someday, spreading the word about films, reviewing films, marketing my own film, making entertainment contacts and other things, etc.  It’s a great resource, but a double edged sword for sure.  It sucks up your time.

Top 5 Websites:
1) Facebook - I’m on here a million times a day.
2) DVXuser.com - Great resource.
3) IMDB.com - Gotta have it.
4) ChristianFilmmakers.org
5) Facebook - added a 2nd time for good measure.

Concerts & Live Shows: I’m not a big fan of these but it’s not really because I hate them, I just think I never spent enough time at any of them.  It’s been a long time, and concerts can be expensive.  If I wont spend $15 for an entire album to listen to, why would I pay a hundred or more to listen to it live?!  Live shows can be fun, but it really depends on what it is.  This is a hit and miss topic with me.  Some things will get me really excited, others…not so much.