This article in many ways is a reflection of me and how I used to be. God has done much work on me in this area of negativity and slander amongst others in my field. As I remember writing about a long time ago, the SAICFF in 2009 was a big experience for me. I had been responsible for some serious bad mouthing of some people there, and having met them and shaken their hands, I felt a serious smack upside my head that broke me down. A friend actually found me sitting on some steps crying pretty hard. He assumed something awful had happened back home or something and I had just found out. Instead I told him how terrible I had been in conversation against some of the folks I had met, not realizing that the films I might have been bashing were made by real people…with the same dreams I had.
Listen, I don’t care how much you know or what you’ve done that makes you think you have some sort of ultimate authority on how things should be, God knows all and far and beyond what you do. We can still make guesses based on experience, but I’ve tried to stray away as much as I can when I state things….as if they were fact. As if I know the future and can predict God’s Will. Please! None of us can.
I’ve been in many conversations about Christian films, what should’ve been done differently, how it should’ve been sold, whether or not it should’ve went to theaters (because of the difficulties in doing well without losing a lot of money), or even just the quality of the films as a whole. Sometimes we’re right in our guesses, and sometimes we’re wrong. BUT, the way in which we spoke about it was sinful, I admit this outright.
I’ve also had bitterness towards other folks in the past and even wrestled with it currently because of their nature of success. A Christian looking at another Christian who’s being Blessed by God and wishing he had the Blessing. That was me. What a piece of trash I can be…why God would still Bless me with what he has in the last few years I have no idea. He is merciful, that’s all I can say.
Even in the times when I know I have good information, my guesses being spoken of to the wrong people has gotten me into serious trouble…multiple times. Even one recently, where my negativity built up over time and then exploded in my face…even if I wasn’t being negative anymore. The damage was done in the past. Although my heart had changed on the issue, it still showed it’s ugly face. My sin found me out and that’s that…
Negativity is a dangerous fungus. Even if we don’t have much confidence in something, we should keep our eyes open to the possibilities. God can do all things, and even if we’re right in guessing what might happen with this film or that film or whatever…that is no place for us to boast or say “I told you so.” Especially in this arena of filmmaking where as brothers and sisters in Christ we need to be encouraging and helping each other. Speak your criticism in love and not in anger or pretentiousness. That is not of God, and I’m sorry to say I’ve been responsible for more of it than anybody else I know. It’s uncalled for and will destroy this industry. I don’t care what you think SHOULD BE done.
It’s no wonder so many look at Christian folks and think “why do I need Christ…they don’t seem much different?” We treat each other so poorly sometimes it’s disgusting. We need to be the light if we hope to reach others and build up a better reputation for Christian films. If you really want to improve our “genres” reputation, then show it in your conduct FIRST…then worry about your film.
These kinds of problems have cost me friendships, previous jobs, a ton of money…and MANY future opportunities over the last three years. Please, I’m begging you, don’t think and act like I have. Pray that God continues to work on me as well, because I need it.
#1 by Gary on May 21, 2010 - 2:06 am
I am right there with you, Kyle… I have struggled with this exact same issue time and time again. Thanks for being so transparent.
#2 by Paul Munger on May 21, 2010 - 12:08 pm
Great stuff, man. We’ve all done it, to refuse admit such would only continue the problem. Thanks for the great reminder to practice what we say we believe.
#3 by Chris Staron on May 21, 2010 - 9:16 pm
Kyle — yeah. The tough thing is that films and the people who make them are constantly critiqued, often by normal folks and people who don’t even know how to use their own video camera. It’s kind of ingrained in people to bash a director when most people haven’t got a clue what a director does in real life. A lot of our initial reactions as filmmakers come from more of just a cultural desire to be critical towards TV and movies.
But you’re right — it is pretty tough, even in the Christian film world. Maybe even especially in our market because we’re such a small group and most of us have strong opinions.
The last couple of years have forced me to get to a place where I need to pray for other films, even those that I don’t enjoy personally. And to realize that my own angst against other filmmakers is often nothing more than my own thinly veiled jealousy.
Thanks for examining yourself! It’s a messy business — one that produces very little income and is fraught with negative reviews and a feeling that one is never truly “done”. The technological craziness of our age means we will always be behind. But no matter how strong the devil fights, the gospel will go on, even if we don’t. God bless!
#4 by Paula Wood on May 24, 2010 - 2:08 pm
Hey Kyle! This is such an awesome post and very true! What helps me focus when I feel that jealousy coming on is telling myself “to keep my blinders on”. In horse races, horses wear blinders so that they can keep focused on the track in front of them, and not on the other horses and getting distracted. Often I get caught up in the very thing you mentioned above — someone else’s rising success. But I have to remember I am not them, and God has a special plan for me. My course is not their course.
I like what Chris says above, “…the gospel will go on, even if we don’t”. I know I WILL keep moving forward — but we can’t loose sight of the ultimate goal. That keeps me grounded as well! The knowledge that I do what I do for Christ and Him alone. Together we can bang this world wide open with His Word! I look forward to the day when every Christian uses their gifts and abilities for His Kingdom!!! There’s something sooo BEAUTIFUL about Kingdom minded Christians coming together to create — In Jesus’s name!!!
Thanks for this! Love ya! <3