A Family Man

by Kyle on Jul.07, 2009, under About Me

I’m writing this late at night in the midst of emotion so expect an irrational, overblown, and open post. I have no shame in what I write, something I made clear to Torry Martin while I visited him at his home. He assured me it was something that would make my writing unique and more enjoyable to read, and I agree. Hopefully this somehow articulates how I think, how I feel, why I am the way I am, and what I think about almost everyday.

Maybe it’s a tad fairy tale of me to think that someday an amazing, beautiful, God fearing woman will come across this blog and find the man she is to marry. I don’t just write to unload and pull out, I write to search and take in. I have asked God in the past why he gave me such a burning passion for all things. It seems no matter what it is I have a deep emotional response to it whether it be a book, a movie, a painting or photograph, and one day…it’ll be a woman. A perfect woman in my eyes, the one God has made out to be my wife and me her husband. I long for that day, more passionately than any other. The only day second to that is the day my first child is born. Tears swell just thinking of those two powerful moments.

On many late nights prior to this one I’ve asked God why he’s given me these intense passions and feelings…and why in the world I have nobody to share them with. I know one day that day will come but when, when will be? Will I meet her in a coffee shop or in line at the grocery store? Perhaps I’ll have my face buried in my iPhone and we’ll knock heads together in a parking lot? No matter how it happens, I want it to happen soon. Many people have heard it from me before but I know for a fact that I’m to be a family man. I want a bunch of kids and a tree fort in the backyard. I want to play house with my daughter and G.I. Joes with my little boy. I want to walk into my kitchen one day and see my mom baking her wonderful cookies, the smell filling the house.

I want to lay at night with my wife and talk until morning. I want to hear what she has to say about her day, and laugh together at all the little events of the week. I want the first day of school, that moment where my first child steps on the bus for the first time, and me tearing up as it begins to move down the street. I think of birthday cake and Christmas, my children’s smiles light up as they open their gifts. I watch with glee at their elation, my heart heavy with love. My wife looks at me with admiration, and I back to her.

Graduation day, as they walk across the stage, a period passing and a new beginning. Their diploma is given to them, a reminder of the huge achievement that has been accomplished. I’ll be the dad with the video camera, cheering their name no doubt embarrassing them with how loud I am. My daughter looks at me rolling her eyes but smiling, parents right?

I keep thinking of daughter moments but next comes an eventual wedding day. Nothing gets my emotions flowing like a wedding. There I am standing next to her in the hallway leading into the sanctuary. It’s not our turn yet but a bead of sweat rolls down the side of my head. She looks at me, completely calm. I’ve never seen her so calm. We look into her eyes with so much love in my heart, realizing this is the last time she’ll be my little girl. It’s our turn and we begin to move. We round the corner into view and the photographer snaps a photo and all guests rise up gasping at her beauty. She will be gorgeous too, I know it. We reach the end of the aisle and say our lines, and I hand her off to the wonderful man the Lord set forth for her…just as he did for me and my wife. The wedding is over and they kiss, she is now his and I’ve let her go.

There’s so much more in-between those few moments, and I can’t wait for each one whether it be good, bad, or ugly.

What a life that would be, perhaps a fantasy, perhaps not. I don’t even know how far off those days are for me. Maybe five years before I get married? Ten? All I know is whoever my bride is, I miss her already. I love my kids and they aren’t even born yet. Lord please bring her fast, and bring me a family I can love and can lead in your ways. Please don’t make me hold these feelings in any longer.

I think I just became a writer.

9 Comments for this entry

deb prohaska
July 7th, 2009 on 8:25 am
Hi honey,
yes what a bunch of wonderful memories you will build with your own family some day. A family man is the most important job you will have. Your father and I are still waitng for our turn to cry at YOUR wedding. To watch your face as you watch your bride come down the isle. I’m daydream about dancing with you as the MOTHER of the GROOM, and I feel a sence of pride & joy in my heart. Then watching you Embrace our new daughter-in-law in dancing together. Enjoying the moment of young love and remembering my wedding day when I looked into the face of your father and felt such happiness. A moment in time that is etched in your memory forever. I’ve been praying for her for a very long time, and yes our grandchildren as well. How I have prayed for your soul since you were born……only to have to wait on the Lord until your 17 year of life to experience the joy of seeing new life in you. It will come…..all of these moments. Life is a journey to be lived and experienced. Each new day brings opportunity to live it to the fullest!! Don’t ever settle for anything less than God’s BEST son. We love you, though you drive us crazy sometimes, ha ha …….we love you and are very proud.
love mom
ps….. I can’t wait to bake cookies with my grandkids. I can’t wait to do lots of things with them. We can’t wait to spend time with them. Your dad just mentioned that the other day, whe n we were watching some small children. You can’t wait for all the 1st’s life has to offer……we can’t wait to experience again what we had with you.

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Ashley
July 11th, 2009 on 10:13 pm
Wow!! That was incredible, heartfelt writing. You’ve just revitalized my hope that there are decent, sensitive, CUTE, completely in love with God, family men out there — waiting. Thank you for that!

I very much enjoyed reading that (and your moms post, as well). Okay, I’ve gotta go find some Kleenex now…

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- Kyle
  July 11th, 2009 on 10:29 pm
  Aw thanks! Kleenex…haha, whoops.
  
  And Mom…thanks so much for the comments. Your the reason I’m the man I am! I love you! Happy Birthday!
  
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Joan
July 15th, 2009 on 7:47 pm
Wow, Kyle. That was so candid and transparent. It was really visual and alive. I have to tell you, where I am now, it seems like my life has gone as quickly as your blog flowed through the milestones. Enjoy each moment on the journey because you won’t have it again. Love you.

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Ashley
July 18th, 2009 on 11:21 pm
No, no, needing the Kleenex was definitely not a bad thing at all! Ha

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Teresa Despres
April 4th, 2010 on 3:57 pm
Hey Kyle, I was urged to come to your blog from a friend who knows my love for music, the Lord, and just life in general. But I did not expect to find someone so close to my hearts feelings. I have always felt as you. Now in my 47th year of life, I have always had a true love for life,and everything, and I mean everything it had to offer. I would find myself looking intensely at details that no one else seemed to even care about, such as the blade of grass, the ant on it’s mission, the peer of a child through a crowd that happened to catch my eye.As God has allowed me to survive these 47 years, I have come to realize that I was born different, with a quest to experience anything and everything to it’s fullest.I have grown up with the BEST mom too(I can see yours is as well)the best childhood, a wonderful man that I stumbled upon when I was not looking, and said he would never let me go. The love of my life. I have had 4 children 2 boys and 2 girls all of whom have been a huge blessing in my life. I have home-schooled them and have graduated the 2 boys so far. I have an 18 year old daughter who will graduate this year,and a 15 yr old next year.I have one son who married his love last year, and that was hard. I do so love my new daughter though. I am blessed! I lead worship here for my church, and God has given me a singing talent that I am still amazed at the things that come from my unworthy mouth, but I’m thankful he can use anybody. I am thankful for men like you. My husband was a man like you, and dreamed many dreams, and they were always with me, we just hadn’t met yet. He dreamed all the things you have spoken of, with a passion.I am so in debt for God choosing him for me. I know God has the perfect Godly woman for you as well. How do I know? Because God Honors those who honor Him, and follow him with their hearts. I know this is why I have been so blessed.I didn’t give excuses of why I wasn’t a Godly woman, I just sucked it up, and enjoyed the labor of love.I’m excited to see what God has for you too. Keep the faith, run hard and strong, and when you are tired….run harder, and then go home and rest in Him. In Christ-Teresa Despres

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homeschoolgraduate
April 19th, 2010 on 9:03 pm
Beautiful, Kyle. I just found your blog, and I’m already impressed with your intensity. Keep dreaming, and God will surely send you that young woman. I’m waiting for many a “someday” myself.

You are definitely an expressive writer, and I look forward to exploring this blog of yours.

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- Kyle
  April 20th, 2010 on 12:29 am
  Well I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that I met THAT girl I was looking for and we’ve been dating for almost 4 months, gonna marry her next year We already know… God is good.
  
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homeschoolgraduate
April 22nd, 2010 on 3:48 pm
and may you ever know his goodness.

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