Life of Kyle Prohaska

It seemed all the music I played at my office today resonated with my thoughts/circumstances.  Every oldie had all these words in it that were describing me, it was weird.  I started my day off just like a normal one, but towards mid-day I had a lot on my mind.  Lots has been rolling around in my head in the past week, and it started to get a little heavy.  I’ve been feeling a mix of sadness, regret, worry, happiness and excitement, uncertainty, etc. all at the same time.  It’s a ridiculous mix of crap to have on your brain and I was freaking out.  All this crap like “was this a mistake,” “what am I going to do?,” “can I afford to leave?,” etc.  I had to make a phone call to David Evans and talk to him about the Memphis thing.  Case and point and you can put it on the record, it looks like it’s going to happen.  The ball is rolling now on getting that finalized and squared away.  The opportunity in Memphis is a job on a film called The Grace Card, which has been renamed from the original title The Life Giver.  You might recognize the name as I have been working on concept designs, posters, the older website (now being redone), etc. for a little while now.  David and I have been on the phone for a few months with me just lending him my two cents on some issues, what I would pay attention to and keep track of if he was going to make a film, etc.  It’s been a great working relationship already, and we’ve never even met.

As I thought about what I would do after my internship at PureFlix (for those of you who didn’t know, I’m not an employee yet…only on a 3 month tryout), I had already made the decision in my mind that I wasn’t going to stay.  Problem was there was nothing to go to, no way to pay my bills, etc.  I’ve never in my life gone out into complete financial uncertainty, it’s just not in my nature.  I’m just like my parents when it comes to finances (amongst other things but definitely with money).  Make sure you save, make sure you have a plan and a budget, be weary what you buy and make it last, be a good steward, etc.  All those things roll around in my head often so when it comes time to do something that’s going to put that in jeopardy I freak a little.  That was until I was on the phone with David talking about their current status and DING…a lightbulb.  If I’m not staying here, then does he need help?  It took another 10 minutes for us to realize we could easily work together if the details could be worked out.  The script is close to its completion (in a revision stage at the moment by a screenwriter in Nashville…he co-wrote Space Cowboys with Clint Eastwood & Tommy Lee Jones) and the opportunity and timeline fit like a glove.  It seemed like AD would be a good position to fill as David needs the on-set workflow to move efficiently and it’s not something one man can do.  This film will fill the major positions with pros from camera, sound, and the in-between so having David doing too much on his own isn’t a good move.  Besides AD it looks like I’ll hopefully help Produce the film as a whole, and getting there early is important regardless of that.  The way it looks right now, I’ll hopefully be arriving in September and staying for the duration of that month, October, and into November until shootings completion.  It’ll take that first month to review the prep and get everything wrapped up and finalized so we’re ready to go.  A large task at best, and for someone who is 21 it’s quite the load.  I’m extremely excited to do it however, and look at it as a chance of a lifetime.  After that I’m not sure what I’ll do, I’m basically unemployed unless a new opportunity arises.  I have this funny feeling that something else will birth from this, I can’t tell you why I feel that way I just do.

The other pressing matter I had was my film…Standing Firm.  Ever since I got here I haven’t barely done a thing to it I feel.  That is what really got me upset earlier today.  As I ended my conversation with David I started to break a little and after I hung up I broke.  I’m not 100% sure why but I know that in the past making this film if I ever felt like I was slipping in my responsibility to it I got on my face immediately to pray.  It was a condition I set before I moved.  Nothing changes, the film gets worked on, we move forward, etc.  I know I have as much time as I need to finish and people are supportive but only I know what kind of time I’ve put in…and I felt I was lazy.  If you don’t already know, I’m a passionate guy.  I get loud, excited, and emotional like a maniac when something is in my sights that I feel called to go for.  There’s no stopping me, not in a million years.  With all the miracles of the last year and all the confirmations that this film was to be something special, it really make me sick to think I had betrayed that responsibility.  I really felt like (and had thought about it earlier in the week) that if I was going to leave CA it probably wasn’t a good thing to go directly to TN.  I think I need a time to go home and get myself together before going into such a big task, and I have a film to finish besides that.  I’ve always wanted since we started writing the thing in 2007 to have a large chunk of time to just work on the film.  No more working two jobs, just burning all my energy on this thing and really making progress.  It’s been an uphill battle since day 1 with either a job in ministry or extra work I needed to take, then the film.  You don’t have a social life when you do both…it’s just not possible.  I’ll be damned if I’ll let that happen again.  I need to get my priorities in order.  Priority number 1 is finishing the task set before me, and that’s to complete this film.  Nobody will do it for me, it’s just me and my computer and whatever energy I can spare.  So I called my parents and my business partner and I think it would be wise to go home the end of July and regroup, work on this film for a solid month and get a presentable cut together with temporary music, tweaked edit, basic ADR mixed in, etc.  I really need to do this, I HAVE TO.  Also The San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival will have a deadline this fall for feature-films…and unfortunately I don’t think I’ll make the cut.  Finding distribution is more important, and honestly we have no score and no funding for it.  The film would have to be 100% complete and I don’t think that we’ll get there.  That sorta bums me out, since I know we would have a good amount of support at the fest…but I guess it isn’t what God has in store.  Perhaps we could enter the year after, after the film is released?  It would still be eligible at that point I believe, but any hype the film might have when (if) it’s released on DVD would diminish by then so the odds of winning anything would drop a tad.  There was also the fact that there was no Sherwood film entered this year and no film by last years winner.  The odds would’ve been much better.

I have no kids, I have no wife, I have no responsibilities besides my film, whatever job I might hold, and a car payment with insurance to take care of.  Other than that, I could move once a month as long as I could pay for things.  Nothing is holding me around anywhere besides finances, and if I can take care of myself for the entire month of August before I leave home again in September…then it’s totally worth it if I get a solid month of work done on my film.  I really think it needs the attention.  All that sacrifice put in by everyone and not just myself.  All the people in my church family and surrounding them that passed away in the last year as we made this movie.  So much purpose in it all and us making a film about death, I can’t deny it being a divine appointment that we’re making it.  Above all honestly, I think the people that might be effected by the film (including those that don’t know the Lord) should be of a higher priority than my own comfort.  I’ll do whatever I have to, it’ll get finished.

I ended my day by watching one of my favorite movies with Vance…The Truman Show.  It’s an incredible film…in my Top 5 no problem.  Very few movies make me wish I could revisit what I felt the first time I saw it.  This one had me stunned when it ended the first time.  All I’ve ever wanted to do with my life was recreate that kind of sensational feeling for someone else.  I ate it up as the movie played out watching Vance react to the genius in the film.  Go rent it if you haven’t seen it.  You’ll enjoy it I promise